Christian is sadly my new dirty word

I can't help it. I so frequently find myself wishing there was another word I can call myself. Frankly, I don't think God would blame me if I started saying I am not a Christian. Maybe that is a bit far. I guess that I don't like calling myself Christian. The word is so overused, so tainted. I do not believe it stands for much good anymore, it is so rarely associated with what the true definition is. I used to think that the people who gave it a bad name were just those few loud and crazy, but I am realizing that the loud and crazy are larger than I realized. I am not one who will say "they are not REAL Christians", because I think that they believe in what is at the core, they believe they need salvation. It is everything else that baffles me. Every single grey area in the bible that is so twisted to match some political agenda or some ideology that makes them feel superior (while saying they are humbled in it). I have a lot of pride, and I know that. It just physcially hurts when I see the growing numbers who are so closed minded. I am disgusted by those who speak Christianese and still somehow think what they have to say is deep and profound. Most people's take on the bible has much to do with their own personal desires and worldview. "Love the sinner, hate the sin"... what does that really mean? Because I think the way Christians tend to live that out is completely ass backwards.

Christianity is supposed to be based on the person and the teachings of Christ. I simply do not see that within "the body" anymore.

As always, I love God, I love Jesus, I need salvation. I do my best to understand what he tried to teach. I just think we are a disgrace to it.



** EDIT:
I then am blessed to read things like this and remember I am not alone
http://jenny-willis.blogspot.com/2010/04/kingdom-is-rich-soil.html