For those who don't know me well, they might find it odd that my most loved and excessively used nickname for James is something as formal as "Sir". It is typically spoken with a slight lisp and a very large grin. I myself thought is was one of the more random habits to have surfaced, until the fateful day I revisited this video:
Again, for those who do not know me well, I would like to clarify I do not find my husband akin to Rasputin. I just really really love Bartok the bat. I quoted him a lot in college and it brought me great joy. Upon making this connection, I realized my calling him Sir meant that I was so happy, I brought out one of my favorite quotes without even being aware of it. This makes me smile. :) It also tempted me to respond to misunderstandings with "oh sure, blame the bat, what the heck", but I think I will hold off on that for now. ha!
For our one year anniversary, James bought a journal for us each to update every year. It is where we write it all down. The better and the worse, our hopes and our fears. We are only a few years in, but already I enjoy reading through our yearly expressions and seeing how things have change, how we have grown. I am a bit behind this year with everything that has happened, so I have been thrilled to have this time where I am forced to rest. I have sat, focused, reflecting, and enjoying every moment of it. I realized as important as it is to write the thoughts for each other, I don't always want to stop there. I have been reminded lately how much I cherish what I have with James, and how rare that has become. I would like to take a moment to say publicly what I say at home everyday... I love James, more than anyone or anything in this world.
I love that James is my family. For me, the word family has mostly been laced with pain and bitterness. When we got married, I breathed a sigh of relief that WE were a family, and for once that word was so sweet. Our home is a place where each is safe; safe to love, safe to struggle, safe to be imperfect, and safe to trust the other to redirect when needed. Though our attempts are nowhere near perfect, we try to remember to put each other first instead of fighting for what we want ourselves. That simple question of "how can I serve this person" is not how we are naturally geared, but the more natural that comes, the less headache comes with it. :) I love knowing that James is here. He is present. I love that we can have our own traditions. I love that he is not afraid to break off from his old life and make our family OURS. I love that we each play our own roles within our marriage, and that we are learning how to respect and value those roles equally. I love that I don't like sleeping without him there next to me. I am excited for our family to grow... even though I don't want that for a little while longer ;) ha.
I love that James is my best friend. I love that he encompasses those things that are the most important to me within friendship. Honesty, open communication (even if it's awkward), support, and accountability. I love that he can make me laugh, really hard, and consistently. I love that there is not a thing in the world that I can't tell him. I appreciate that he knows when I am being silly just to make him shake his head at me... and promptly shakes it with a straight mouth but a glint in his eye. I love that we can dance like muppets around the kitchen. I love that he doesn't let me win any game we play AND that he is not a sore loser considering how often I kick his trash at scrabble. I love that I can sit in silence with him in the car, for an hour, and feel at peace. I love that he lets me dream while he keeps his feet on the ground, and I love that with that balance we can make those dreams come true.
I love that James his own person... and that I have remained mine. Naturally marriage changes people, there are traits within each of us now that older friends are not sure what to do with.... and I'm perfectly ok with that. However, we still know who we are. I enjoy that we can take trips solo, indulge in separate hobbies, and essentially hold on the IMPORTANT pieces of ourselves from our past. You know, those things that drew us together in the first place? ;) I love that we can disagree. I love that after all these years we can debate, get flustered, and hold on strong to our differing opinions... and then give each other a kiss. I like that I can tell him to stop being a turd, he can tell me stop being so sensitive, and we know we will each still stubbornly be ourselves... but try to ease up a little. I love that we have balance. It's what makes us successful in many ways. We can be our own people while still respecting what we have together. We can respect our separate interests while keeping our life together the main priority. I am beyond blessed for that.
I love that James is a good man. I am beyond blessed to be married to someone as honorable as him. James is honest. If integrity could ooze out of someone, I would recommend a good majority of the world to come touch him and hope it rubbed off. He is hard working, and that word almost doesn't do him justice. James has one of the most respectable work ethics I have ever seen. He comes across harsh to many, even myself at times. A practical man, he is characteristically calm and matter-of-fact. There are times this drives me bonkers... then I remember it's just what I need when I am in a fury of passion or sentiment. I love that James has mature priorities, and I love even more that he sticks to them. He is responsible. He has taught me so much. I love that he is tender, but reserves that for those who deserve it. He is choosy with who he lets into his life, and he protects me from those who have not deserved their place in mine. I love that he is confident, but not above reproach. I love that he doesn't put up with bullshit. I love that I need to stop myself here or I will go on forever.
I love James. I just figured it was time to let you all know what I meant when I said that. :)
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