I find that I'm letting myself find more happy or peaceful moments in my days, but I'm still scared. Every time I feel an ache in my ankle, I worry the tumor is coming back. When I make plans I look forward to, I prepare myself for them to go awry. What bothers me the most is the fear I have for the future. I worry my future children will have health problems much worse than my own. When I hear siren coming down the street when James is at school, I momentarily fear something has happened to him, or that something will someday soon. These fears are always fleeting thoughts, but the are more frequent. As I said before, I dread the loss. I want to be back in a place where the future holds hope. For now I hope that the positive moments of the present will eventually find their way back into my dreams of the future. Prayers for this are appreciated.