Throw me a freakin' bone here...

.. an ankle bone to be exact!


Ok, so the brief (ish) rundown leading up to this weekend (for those who have not heard already). In early February of this year, I was kicked a bunch at work by a young child, who oh so kindly nailed me in the same spot on my ankle every time. After months of pain, I finally checked in with my doctor, as a simple bruising should not last that long. I was referred to an orthopedic specialist, who found a dark spot on the bone, and called for an MRI thinking it was a cyst. After getting the results of the MRI, he then spends about 5 minutes with me, saying "I think this is a tumor, you should see a orthopedic surgeon", and then sends me on my way confused and worried. Next came two weeks of dealing with his incompetent staff, who mislabeled the referral as routine instead of urgent, then did not send in my files, and left me hanging for two weeks with the words "you have a tumor" echoing in my brain. After 3 straight days calling between offices, I finally got it resolved, and booked my appt with the surgeon. The surgeon confirmed that I had a tumor, and we set a time for the biopsy. The surgeon mentioned that I had the option of just simply having it all removed during the biopsy if it looked good, but I told the doctor there was no way I could be off of my feet right now. I have 2 weddings I am shooting in August, I am moving, plus many other details that make being off my feet too difficult. He said waiting until september would be fine, and that he would refer me to another doctor. All clear right?

wrrooooooong...

Monday morning I checked in for my biopsy. It all got off ot a rocky start, but I tried to stay positive. I figure, get in, get my biopsy, confirm it's benign, have some peace of mind, wrap up my responsibilities, then finish taking care of this thing. I know, it sounds like a pain to drag out, but it really worked best. So imagine my confusion when I come to, in excrutiating pain, to find out that the surgeon went ahead and did the full surgery. He did not even consult James. We are both pretty sure he did this so that he would be paid the much larger amount for surgery. Because we were not sure if it was malignant or not, we signed the consent form saying they could do more if they found it necessary, and the surgeon used that as a loophole. The other doctors working with him did not even know that I had requested not having surgery, and it sounded like that was what they were told was happening all along. Needless to say, I have many many words for the surgeon during my follow up on friday.

Monday night and tuesday were extremely difficult for me. I never realized how different bone pain was... even morphine didnt help the pain, just relaxed my muscles enough that I could fall asleep from time to time. It was simply hard to wrap my head around everything, I was drugged up, in pain, and told that my entire plan for the next couple of months had changed. oi.

I am feeling better now. The pain is decreasing to a steady ache, which is bearable. I can succesfully make it to the bathroom and back on my own (woohoo!), and I have discovered all the positions I can lay in without putting too much pressure on my leg. We have not yet tackled how to wash my hair or be truly clean (yay for baby wipes for now), but that will go on tonights list of adventures. I am slowly piecing together a plan to pull of the weddings. However, I am still struggling emotionally/mentally with all of this. The roadtrip is going to be a bit of a bust now. Everything I had left to do before we leave on friday can't be done. I am basically saying good bye to orange county from this bed. I am sad that when I get to Boston, the only time James and I had to settle in and explore before he started school will now be filled with bed rest. I feel a bit lost... James is trying to help, but really does not know what to do. I have grown tired of people trying to encourage me that "it's all over now", because a) it's not over, there is so much to deal with, and b) I was not ready, this was not the right time. People say there is never a good time, but there was... the time I had chosen was practically perfect.

This changes everything for awhile. I will adjust. but Im pretty bummed right now...