moore musings

Tudors or Tutors?

2011-07-28T08:04:00.000-07:00

So I do plan to update here sometime. Really. It's coming. Maybe this weekend. Don't hold your breath though, I would feel quite guilty. :)

For now, I leave you with my highly sophisticated review of The Tudors, which james & I just started and are highly enjoying (while I clack away on my laptop):

"dude... that Henry VIII is a dooouche".

I know. My eloquence must floor you all! You might be equally impressed by my realization of "so that's where the semi-hot guy from Dead Like Me went". Brain=Mush. I might need professional tutoring when life slows down just to get it back to normal.

Here's to better observations next time I write ;)

Dear blogger

2011-07-19T20:09:00.001-07:00

I miss you

30 x 30 : June check-in

2011-06-30T17:58:00.000-07:00

Sweet Lordy, I need to post other than these updates! I love how full life is right now, but man I want to chill and write out my thoughts. Buuut in the meantime... here is the update.

A few changes are actually being made to my list.

1. I have realized that my ankle can't even handle light jogging right

now, so the 5k goal was not doing much for my health. I have decided that my new goal is to get to my pre-surgery weight, which would put me back at a healthy BMI. I joined a gym so I can cycle, swim with the girls, and use my wii fit. I feel much better about having a realistic fitness goal... though I'm sad every time I see people running.

2. I set the camping goal at Harbor Islands just because I wanted to make sure to go camping, and those islands were them most easily accessible. However, James & I decided to do one better, and will spending 3 days on a lake in Maine next week. :) Books, kayaks, food, James. Ahhhhh bliss. I can't wait to decompress.

I'm happy to say that I got to pull off my own surprise. :) I have always associated Paul Simon with my dad, so when I found out Paul was playing live in Boston, I knew I had to try to go. The show was sold out, but I found someone who online who was selling them, and traded them for portraits of her adorable dog... great trade! The show... was... phenomenal! Paul is a true musician, and it was so special to surprise my dad in such a meaningful way.

I have checked off another coffeeshop. The girls love coffee/chocolate milk dates, and we had time to spare, so we headed over to Equal Exchange Cafe. Their London Fog is divine. :)

Lastly, I got my TOMS finally. :) I've been torn because I wanted yellow ones (yellow shoes are the best). I also wanted a pair of boat shoes, but couldn't afford those as well as TOMS. The, they put out their new spring line... which included yellow boat style shoes. Holla!!!

My fantabulous friend Bonny is visiting next week. I'm hoping she will be open to checking off a Boston walk or 2... particularly the North End Pastry Walk. Mmmmm. Yum.

1. Purchase a pair Warby Parker Glasses

2. Drink a cold Sam Adams while looking at a"cold" Sam Adams
3. Go to Wilmington and take cheesy photos :)
4. Take the trolley to Doyle's
5. Attend an author signing
6. Skate at Frog Pond
7. Work through my french text book
8. Attend one of Boston's quirky brunch options
9. Check a new state off the list (virginia beach)
10. Complete the Independent coffeeshops of Boston list (9 down, 4 to go)
11. Hug James as much as possible!
12. Decide my next career path
13. See Grace Potter & the Nocturnals in concert
14. Get to my pre-surgery weight/BMI
15. Photograph the Polar plunge
16. Send more letters and cards
17. Own a pair of TOMS
18. Cook Julia Childs Poulet au Porto with Artichokes & hollandaise sauce (successfully)
19. Sing along with Carols by Candlelight at Trinity church
20. Watch the Godfather trilogy
21. Surprise someone
22. Take the girls to the Zoo (it keeps eluding us)
23. Enjoy a trip with James that does not involve work, school, or anybody we know!
24. Learn how to whistle loudly
25. Make good use of my library card
26. Swim in Walden Pond
27. Spot a classic Boston celebrity
28. Camp @ Rangeley Lake (Maine)
29. Complete the Walks of Greater Boston list (one more completed, a few to go).
30. Be tumor free!

30x30: May check-in

2011-05-17T17:07:00.000-07:00

Greetings! I finally come with my good news. :) I must start by saying that I have been abundantly blessed over the last few weeks. It's like God has said "hey, yeah, sorry about the past 10 months or so. Let me make it up to you". I know this fabulous streak will not last forever, but I'm riding it out for as long as possible and savoring every moment of it! Yesterday was so ridiculously over the top great, I joked that I was "Reaganing". Much of what happened is not fit for the blog (too difficult to explain, or just better told in person), but I can say work was great, opportunities popped up, plans came together, attitudes were warm and helpful, and to top it all off, just before heading to bed, the lovely Jill bought me a book I had been drooling over (many many squealing/shocked thank you's). I never thought I would say this, but it is a very good thing I didn't see an adorable puppy yesterday. My head would have exploded. In a good way.

The biggest piece if news is that James has been accepted to the PhD program here, at Brandeis. He is fully funded for 5 years. For James, this means that he finally gets to take the last step in his education, that will end with him having an opportunity to pursue teaching, which has been his dream/plan for years. For us, this means we know where we will be for an extended period time, so we can settle into life. Also, we now will stop giving money to school, and start getting it. :) Yay for the chance to pay down our student loans! For me, this means I can finally look at my personal & professional goals, and begin to shape those. Sticking around and having more financial stability is allowing me to take my own steps toward my dreams. With that, I'll begin an update on my 30x30:

Decide my next career path:

Weeeeeee! As I said before, with the funding from the program, we will be a bit more financially stable next year. Because of this, I have the freedom to do something I have wanted to do for a long time: pursue photography! I will still work as a nanny, but only part-time. This will free up much of my week to build the business and see if I have what it takes. I have also been interested in a nursing program, but I know that this is the best time in my life to push my photography, and if I never try, I will always wonder. I have decided to take one year really trying to get business off the ground. This time next year, I can re-evaluate. If things are picking up, I can continue with my business and pull back a bit more from my other job. If I have not had enough success to continue confidently, I will know I have tried, bring it back to hobby/freelance, and begin looking into nursing. I am very excited about this opportunity and I can't wait to see how this year shapes up. In addition to that, I may have an opportunity to coordinate a limited amount of events. The Mad Hatter Tea Party that I coordinated for Kate's 7th birthday was a huge hit. Multiple parents have told me I need to market myself to do this on the side, and I am receiving a lot of support from others. I am not sure how all of this will pan out, but I love and miss event planning, so I look forward to the potential of an additional creative & lucrative outlet. :)

Surprise someone:

This one was vague, and I hope to find other ways to pleasantly surprise people, buuuuut... I'm happy to officially check it off. I had a fortunate stroke of serendipity, and the timing of my recent trip to CA overlapped with my dear old friends surprise birthday party. :) That was enjoyable.

Spot a classic Boston celebrity:

I saw Mark Wahlberg! :) He is filming a new comedy in town, and I came across information for where they were filming, so my friend Mary & I had a good goofy wander past the set before we headed to brunch. I really wanted to ask him to say hi to his mutha for me. Sadly, I do not have a picture of Marky Mark, as I didn't want to be one of those obnoxious people who go all paparazzi, but I do have a picture from outside the set that I may post later. This was the goal I thought would be the least likely, so I was super giddy. Of course, now that I have 5 more years, my fingers are still crossed for Affleck. ;)

Ok, now a quick opinion needed. Due to my ankle being stubborn, there is a chance that I won't be able to accomplish my goal of running a full 5k. I'm speaking to my Dr about it at my next appt. My ankle is looking good, but it may never fully bounce back, so attempting to be a runner may not be the wisest idea. Should my Doctor agree, I am curious... do I stick with the 5k idea and walk jog the best I can? Or do I set a new and more realistic fitness goal? I would LOVE some ideas. Seriously. If I make adjustments, I should try soon!

I look forward to checking in next month. My TOMS will likely be purchased next week, I have coffeeshop plans, and summer is looking prime for wrapping this thing up! :) Also, my bday plans are forming... but that's for another day, another post. Until then... thanks for caring enough to read & respond, I hope you all are equally blessed!

1. Purchase a pair Warby Parker Glasses

2. Drink a cold Sam Adams while looking at a "cold" Sam Adams
3. Go to Wilmington and take cheesy photos :)
4. Take the trolley to Doyle's
5. Attend an author signing
6. Skate at Frog Pond
7. Work through my french text book
8. Attend one of Boston's quirky brunch options
9. Check a new state off the list (virginia beach)
10. Complete the Independent coffeeshops of Boston list (8 down, 5 to go)
11. Hug James as much as possible!
12. Decide my next career path
13. See Grace Potter & the Nocturnals in concert
14. Run a full 5k
15. Photograph the Polar plunge
16. Send more letters and cards
17. Own a pair of TOMS
18. Cook Julia Childs Poulet au Porto with Artichokes & hollandaise sauce (successfully)
19. Sing along with Carols by Candlelight at Trinity church
20. Watch the Godfather trilogy
21. Surprise someone
22. Take the girls to the Zoo (it keeps eluding us)
23. Enjoy a trip with James that does not involve work, school, or anybody we know!
24. Learn how to whistle loudly
25. Make good use of my library card
26. Swim in Walden Pond
27. Spot a classic Boston celebrity
28. Camp @ Boston Harbor Islands
29. Complete the Walks of Greater Boston list (one more completed, a few to go).
30. Be tumor free!

Gopnik Wisdom

2011-05-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

I take a brief moment from my blissful day of rest to share with you these words from the consistently brilliant Adam Gopnik. I will share more about his work in the future, because his writing makes my heart soar. These words were so perfect for my morning, I figured that a few of you could connect with this as well. These were taken from his book Through the Children's Gate, which I have underlined so heavily I may never be able to loan it out. :)

A mixed bag of emotions

2011-05-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

I was speechless last night. For those who know me personally, you know how rare that is. As per usual, my shock upon hearing the news of OBL's death caused me to crack a quick, lame, slightly inappropriate joke. In my defense, I can't hear the word America without at least quietly sining "fuck yeah!"... it's a curse. Moments later, the news sunk in. I couldn't speak. I couldn't sort out how to feel. I didn't celebrate. I didn't cheer. I thought of waking up on my birthday nearly 10 years ago and spending it in a haze of confusion and heartache. I remembered visiting Ground Zero just 3 months after, the teddy bear of a missing girl resting against the fence, a visual seared forever into my memory. I sat quietly and thought of the stories my former co-workers shared about their experiences living in Manhattan on 9/11. I reflected on that pain that our country has suffered at the hand of this man. The fear we all have lived in, relationships damaged by political bickering, the innocent Muslims mistreated due to ignorance, and of course, families and friends torn apart because of the deaths of those fighting in this war. I let all of this flood my mind, not knowing how to feel. At last, I merely sank into the relief that I no longer had to think about this man. I have no idea if this is related, but last night was the best I have slept in months.

I knew I was taking a risk when I opened my laptop this morning. I wanted to read more. I wanted to become a part of the community who was celebrating. I hoped that my community would, if only for a day, be able to focus on relief and joy . This war is not over, but, for a short time, we have reason to feel peace. We have reason to put everything else aside and share in each others relief. In President Obama's speech last night, he spoke of how we came together as a country during great tragedy:

We offered our neighbors a hand, and we offered the wounded our blood. We reaffirmed our ties to each other, and our love of community, and country. On that day, no matter where we came from, what God we pray to, or what race or ethnicity we were, we were united as one American family.

Was I naive to hope that just as we can unite within our suffering, we can also unite within our relief? I suppose I was. I knew that the reactions to this news would be varying and strong. Within moments of signing on to Facebook and Twitter, my heart began to hurt, and my speech returned to me.

I never expected to feel elated over the news, as I have never been able to celebrate death. For me, thinking of 9/11 is sobering. Bin Laden's death is merely a reminder of what led to this day. To quote a Huffington Post article a friend posted as I type this: "His death is satisfying not only because of what he did, but because it prevents him from doing any more violence in the future in the name of religion". I believe that his death or capture was necessary, but I do not revel in death. I do not rejoice in the fall. Having said that, I am sympathetic to those who genuinely feel joy and closure. Then I see it... "Welcome to Hell, Bin Laden". Jubilee that "we got his sons too". In this moment, my heart broke for our country. Again. I have thrown out every expletive in the book, but I never have told someone to go to hell. As a person of faith, I take this seriously. I know EVERYONE is capable of evil. I always hope for redemption, though I know that often it never comes. I agree that justice needs to be served, but when it must be served in this manner, it still breaks my heart. Because Osama deserves to be there does not make it a joyous truth. I will never acknowledge someone being in hell with anything but heartbreak; for the reasons they are there, for the pain inflicted on others, and also for the brokenness that led a person to live a life where that sentence is considered justice. There is nothing joyous about that. I will never witness those around me gleefully welcoming a man and his family to hell without feeling sorrow and disgust. When I see that, I see our own ugliness and evil. It may be what is necessary, but it is tragic all the same.

What I am encountering the most is people using this to bicker. We have become so divided as a nation, so offensive in our communication, so egocentric in our world views, that instead of letting this information sink in, people comment on Bin Ladens death and then insult their opposing political party in the next breath. People are arguing over which President should get what percentage of "the win". They ignore Obama thanking the tireless efforts of our military, and quoting Bush in his speech, and claim he gives nobody credit but himself. Frankly, I think drawing attention to those arguments is insulting to those in the military. If a person wants to give credit that strongly, let them be all that is discussed. Why not simply shine the spotlight on those who served, instead of using their service as a way to get people to take a side? I'm watching comment threads fill with conspiracy theories (some new, some terribly threadbare). Status updates are filled with people managing to take this news and use it as a platform for every political issue that they always gripe about. How is this helpful? How is this necessary? What does it say about our minds and souls if our first instinct if to use this information to promote our own motives? I believe these times bring out what is truly at our core, and I'm brought to tears by what I am observing today.

No matter your feelings towards the news, this is a time where everybody should be able to sit in peace, if just for a moment. To celebrate, perhaps not celebrate death and destruction, but the fact we can hope to at least be a step closer to ending this horrible chapter of our nations history. This morning, I am filled with grief again. I have seen how torn apart we really are. I have seen how selfishly we still prioritize. I have sat here heartbroken, taken in the vitriol, and wondered how long we will continue on this way. Extremism brought this tragedy to our country, and now we let our own extremism continue to keep us at war with each other. It is my naive hope that we can try to unite as a country. I feel that until we can learn to respect, to consider, to love each other, we will never win.

I close with a quote from the same article mentioned before. Here is the link for those who want to read the post in its entirety: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-raushenbush/celebrating-a-death_b_856124.html

"So, let us mute our celebrations. Let any satisfaction be grim and grounded in the foundation of justice for all who have suffered at bin Laden's bloody hands. And also justice for crimes against God -- for using God as an instrument of terror and and promoting distrust between peoples of different religions and nations. Let us put bin Laden's body in the ground, and in doing so bury his disastrous and blasphemous religious legacy."

30x30: April check-in

2011-04-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in over a month! I need to give a little more attention to my blog because I know I will regret being so remiss in the future. I grew tired of posting when most of what I had to say was a bit depressing. However, I'm happy to say that I have good news to share... in a few weeks. :) We are currently working out details for the future, but for once there is joy to report, and soon. That feels so good to say.

As far as my list, here is what's up!

Trolley to Doyles:

I finally headed over to Doyle's on the party trolley! James & I took Stephanie to Sam Adams, and we had a good laugh during the trolley ride. The driver has the greatest Boston accent, and played classic rock. It was also a rare beautifully warm March day, so we enjoyed the fresh air. We left with a belly full of Boston Brick Red, & new *free* Sam Adams glasses in hand.

Quirky Boston Brunch & Coffeeshops:

Alison came to visit us a FOURTH time (she has definitely earn

ed her visitor medal), and we headed to The Beehive for a delicious jazz brunch. The highlight for me was the brunch cocktail: The Persian Kitty. Champagne with pomegranate & ginger liquor. That'll make anyone purr.

We also ended up accidentally checking another coffeeshop off of my list. We happened to wander past the Boston Common Coffee Co. The atmosphere wasn't spectacular, but the tea was delicious, and it happened to be across the street from my new favorite used book store, the Brattle Book Shop. I have walked just 1 street away from this store countless times for over a year. It was a good lesson in the benefits of wandering!

Decide my next career path:

I'm not 100% sure how I will execute it, but part of our good news is that it has helped shape my future plans and opportunities. I'll be able to share this in more detail soon. :)

Tumor update:

I had my 6 month check-in, and my x-rays looked perfect! I still have a few more appt's this year, but to be tumor free at this point is a really good sign. I'm on my way to my most important goal. Phew.

I'm happy to say that I already have plans for a few more of these goals to be accomplished in May, so I look forward to checking in at the end of next month. :) But I'll try to post more between now and then... life has been full and I need to share it.

Time to go catch up on all your posts... :)

1. Purchase a pair Warby Parker Glasses

2. Drink a cold Sam Adams while looking at a "cold" Sam Adams
3. Go to Wilmington and take cheesy photos :)
4. Take the trolley to Doyle's
5. Attend an author signing
6. Skate at Frog Pond
7. Work through my french text book
8. Attend one of Boston's quirky brunch options
9. Check a new state off the list (virginia beach)
10. Complete the Independent coffeeshops of Boston list (8 down, 5 to go)
11. Hug James as much as possible!
12. Decide my next career path
13. See Grace Potter & the Nocturnals in concert
14. Run a full 5k
15. Photograph the Polar plunge
16. Send more letters and cards
17. Own a pair of TOMS
18. Cook Julia Childs Poulet au Porto with Artichokes & hollandaise sauce (successfully)
19. Sing along with Carols by Candlelight at Trinity church
20. Watch the Godfather trilogy
21. Surprise someone
22. Take the girls to the Zoo (it keeps eluding us)
23. Enjoy a trip with James that does not involve work, school, or anybody we know!
24. Learn how to whistle loudly
25. Make good use of my library card
26. Swim in Walden Pond
27. Spot a classic Boston celebrity
28. Camp @ Boston Harbor Islands
29. Complete the Walks of Greater Boston list (one more completed, a few to go).
30. Be tumor free!

Music Monday

2011-03-21T16:03:00.000-07:00

I have not posted one here in awhile, so I'll share a favorite cover song with y'all.

I would love to curl up with this album, for a quiet week, in a quaint cabin on a secluded body of water. My Doctor is pushing me to plan more vacations, perhaps this should be my next one.

Alive & well (relatively)

2011-03-21T15:46:00.001-07:00

I have not felt like updating much. It is hard some days to find that balance necessary to write something blog-worthy. Often times, I know mine are not, but up they go anyways! I have been chugging along on my goals, and have had visitors, but it feels strange to post on those things right now... almost lacking in authenticity, for though they happened, they do not accurately describe life in the bigger picture at this time. There have been moments of confusion, pain, and an overall slap in the face by the unfairness of life, but again, that doesn't tell the whole story (and I'm tired of complaining).

Life is sharp and overwhelming. That same cold & crisp air that refreshes me is also unpleasantly piercing my lungs when I push myself (or more frequently, am pushed by circumstance) a bit too far. To quote one of my favorite recent reads, "What I need is the dandelion in the spring". Hope. All that jazz. Trust, that I am growing, that there is something deeper underneath all of this. Something that I can't quite place, and maybe I never will.

I'm purposely a bit vague here. My prayers and desires have been a bit muddled, but as they become more clear, I am wary to share them publicly. I'm growing more protective of myself. To my benefit, or to my detriment? That I will have to wait and see.

Support System (?)

2011-03-07T16:47:00.000-08:00

I recently paid a visit to my Dr after a few weeks of migraines (which I have never had), and the return of many of my thyroid symptom. My blood work results are pending, but the biggest concern from my Doctor was a bit of a surprise. She was concerned about my "heart". I freaked out momentarily, then she clarified that she meant my emotions. She was worried that within the season I am in, I simply didn't (and I guess, still don't) have the support that I needed. The bloodwork was a precaution, but she is mostly curious how I'm functioning emotionally. Considering this, she won't be surprised to hear that a vacation, time spent just enjoying life with a sweet husband, helped exponentially. However, this also addresses another concern... that as supportive as he is, James is not enough. At this point, I didn't have much of a response, nor a solution to offer. The little consistent support I do have comes at a distance. They do what they can over the internet, but sadly, that can only go so far, especially when coming from so few. I know that not everyone is geared to make an effort, but sometimes I feel like that is an excuse for laziness & selfishness between friends. When only 4 of the 25 people I asked to show some support by posting on my photo blog/FB... it's a bit pathetic. Answering the same question or sharing the same piece of information about James's school plans/goals month after month grows tiring. Knowing friends read blogs I have posted about going through a bit of a depression and then purposely avoiding it in conversation is simultaneously insulting and laughable. Having friends stay with you and witness your hardships yet ignore them (or make them worse)... that's hard to recover from.

It sounds conceited, but at times where I need active support, I wish that I could clone myself. Or at least teach a seminar to my loved ones. It sucks when you pass on their info, help them network, plan for them, or simply take the time to research something big in their life in case they need help... and find others rarely able to click a "like" button on my business FB page, (forget clicking share)... because that's too hard. I know I can be a lot to handle. But, in these simple needs that the distance asks for, or the small requests for support/encouragement after very difficult back to back seasons, I just don't think a little effort is asking too much.

I have felt exhausted socially many times in life. That's nothing new. I'm just not used to it getting so bad that my Dr. notices it's effect on my heatlh. I do not really know where to go from here. I know I don't have much left to give right now, and am at a point in life where I'm not struck down by guilt giving my time where it is not needed. I guess I just wish the support would swing this way for once, in a tangible way.

But that is life isn't it?

30x30: February check-in

2011-02-26T14:16:00.000-08:00

February has been quite a month!

Here is a brief update of goals that I have reached:

* Skating at Frog Pond. My friend Mary and I took the lil girls to the pond during their vacation. Thankfully, we got to go in the afternoon, so the crowd was half the size as normal! I have never been much of an ice skater, and I could feel just how weak my left foot still is with every push of the skate. Kate and Allie were little rock stars on the ice... oh to be that young and light. Their lack of awareness of the people around them caused a few rather entertaining accidents, the poor people they kept cutting off had sitcom worthy falls.

* Author signings! I have attended my 2nd author signing. The author was Conor Grennan, who wrote the book Little Princes, which I will be reviewing in another post. It was a truly perfect event. Great crowd, the author was funny, honest, and personable. The Brookline Booksmith is one of my favorite places in the city now. Yay.

* Sending more cards and letters. This is something I plan to continue, but I feel I have already managed to accomplish this. I have averaged at least one card or letter to friends since last September. I am particularly proud of this because I am HORRIBLE at sending mail. I find that this makes it hard not to spend money though. I'm always tempted to snag cute cards from the store. I need to remember that just a simple piece of paper can bring just as much joy as a cute card. Or perhaps I should add my own sketches. hehe.

*Make good use of my library card. This too will continue, but if I had to move today,

I could confidently say that I accomplished this. In addition to books,

I have fully taken advantage of the discounted

museum passes that I can check out through the library. It's pretty wonderful!

*Take a trip with James: check!!! Ok, thisis the one I am the most excited about.

We spent a lovely 2 nights in Portsmouth, NH. This was the first trip James and I have taken without friends/family/work/school fighting for our attention since our honeymoon!

The Ale house Inn was even better than I had hoped for. It was so adorably designed that I wanted to move right in. We spent many hours in their lobby, chatting,drinking whiskey, drooling over the special touches.

We have only been to Portsmouth for lunch, so it was great to have a chance to explore the area. We ate a ton of good food, drank great beer, and wandered to our hearts content.

Here is the full list. I'm almost half way done!

1. Purchase a pair Warby Parker Glasses

2. Drink a cold Sam Adams while looking at a "cold" Sam Adams
3. Go to Wilmington and take cheesy photos :)
4. Take the trolley to Doyle's
5. Attend an author signing
6. Skate at Frog Pond
7. Work through my french text book
8. Attend one of Boston's quirky brunch options
9. Check a new state off the list (virginia beach)
10. Complete the Independent coffeeshops of Boston list (7 down, 6 to go)
11. Hug James as much as possible!
12. Decide my next career path
13. See Grace Potter & the Nocturnals in concert
14. Run a full 5k
15. Photograph the Polar plunge
16. Send more letters and cards
17. Own a pair of TOMS
18. Cook Julia Childs Poulet au Porto with Artichokes & hollandaise sauce (successfully)
19. Sing along with Carols by Candlelight at Trinity church
20. Watch the Godfather trilogy
21. Surprise someone
22. Take the girls to the Zoo (it keeps eluding us)
23. Enjoy a trip with James that does not involve work, school, or anybody we know!
24. Learn how to whistle loudly
25. Make good use of my library card
26. Swim in Walden Pond
27. Spot a classic Boston celebrity
28. Camp @ Boston Harbor Islands
29. Complete the Walks of Greater Boston list (one more completed, a few to go).
30. Be tumor free!

Remiss... yet again

2011-02-22T14:59:00.000-08:00

I have been neglecting this blog due to my new baby blog. What can I say, it takes up a lot of my attention these days. I'm sorry older blog. I will play with you this week, I promise :)

Music Monday link

2011-02-14T14:34:00.000-08:00

Check out the new song over on the photo blog, and leave me a comment :)

http://brianamoore.tumblr.com/

New Website is Live! (hip hip!)

2011-02-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

Drum roll please...

www.briana-moore.com

Pretty please visit the site, peruse a bit, add me to FB & twitter, and connect with me on my blog. I might be so bold as to say bookmark my blog, as I plan to split my time between here and there. :)

Thanks everybody!!!

MM... are moving!

2011-01-31T18:02:00.001-08:00

I will now be posting my music monday choices to my photography blog:

www.brianamoore.tumblr.com

See you there, starting next monday!

MM- Dance with me

2011-01-24T11:10:00.001-08:00

I admittedly have a deep dislike for reality tv, but I was sucked into So You Think You Can Dance. I love dancers. I won't try to be eloquent and describe why, or how they make me feel. It would take too much time. However, if there is dance involved in something, I will like it more. :)

This song became a hit after being used on SYTYCD, and they were smart enough to use the same choreographer for the video. Enjoy the beauty.

I am a wasteland

2011-01-24T10:46:00.001-08:00

At times I picture my goals like little singing birds, flying over my head, reminding me of what I have set forth to accomplish. Most of the time their song is beautiful and brings excitement... other times (typically if I let them sing too long) they get hoarse and squawk most deplorably. Either way, I have a loud reminder to get up, get out, and get something done. This week, I effectively killed 2 birds with one stone. That said, I wish I had a better metaphor so the birds didn't have to die. Hmmm. I'll work on that...

I have finished Zombie Spaceship Wasteland, by Patton Oswalt. I have checked off my 3rd book of 30 for the year, and it was non-fiction to boot! The book itself was an easy read, amusing, and (as a good comedian should) it succeeded in recognizing the awkwardness and absurdity of our culture. I highly recommend it to anybody who enjoy a good laugh. (and knows how to get one without resorting solely to dick & fart jokes).

Saturday, I was able to attend my first author event, featuring... Patton Oswalt and the above mentioned book! :) Wee. The booksmith could not contain all the fans, so the event took place at the Coolidge Corner theater, which is quickly becoming one of my happiest places in Boston. Hearing my favorite chapters again, but with the impeccable timing and playful intonations used by Oswalt, made this event a real treat. I look forward to more events through the Booksmith.

Coming up for the rest of January:

Bookshelf: Jane Eyre

30x30: Start work on my French textbook.

Brilliant

2011-01-17T18:15:00.001-08:00

“

Imagine it’s 1995: almost no one but Gordon Gekko and Zack Morris have cellphones, pagers are the norm; dial-up modems screech and scream to connect you an internet without Google, Facebook, or YouTube; Dolly has not yet been cloned; the first Playstation is the cutting edge in gaming technology; the Human Genome Project is creeping along; Mir is still in space; MTV still plays music; Forrest Gump wins an academy award and Pixar releases their first feature film, Toy Story. Now take that mindset and pretend you’re reading the first page of a new sci-fi novel:

The year is 2010. America has been at war for the first decade of the 21st century and is recovering from the largest recession since the Great Depression. Air travel security uses full-body X-rays to detect weapons and bombs. The president, who is African-American, uses a wireless phone, which he keeps in his pocket, to communicate with his aides and cabinet members from anywhere in the world. This smart phone, called a “Blackberry,” allows him to access the world wide web at high speed, take pictures, and send emails.

It’s just after Christmas. The average family’s wish-list includes smart phones like the president’s “Blackberry” as well as other items like touch-screen tablet computers, robotic vacuums, and 3-D televisions. Video games can be controlled with nothing but gestures, voice commands and body movement. In the news, a rogue Australian cyberterrorist is wanted by world’s largest governments and corporations for leaking secret information over the world wide web; spaceflight has been privatized by two major companies, Virgin Galactic and SpaceX; and Time Magazine’s person of the year (and subject of an Oscar-worthy feature film) created a network, “Facebook,” which allows everyone (500 million people) to share their lives online.

”

—	The First Decade of the Future is Behind Us \| Science Not Fiction \| Discover Magazine (via arielwaldman)

MM- Let it be

2011-01-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

I love the original, but I think this arrangement is beautiful.

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be.

Bonus video!

Alison sent me this song today, and I simply had to post it. Soak in the loveliness my friends.

Strength to Love

2011-01-17T06:34:00.000-08:00

The strong man holds in a living blend strongly marked opposites. The idealists are usually not realistic, and the realists are not usually idealistic. The militant are not generally known to be passive, nor the passive to be militant. Seldom are the humble self-assertive, or the self-assertive humble. But life at its best is a creative synthesis of opposites in fruitful harmony. The philosopher Hegel said that truth is found neither in the thesis nor the antithesis, but in the emergent synthesis which reconciles the two.
…

The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Jesus recognized the need for blending opposites. He knew that his disciples would face a difficult and hostile world, where they would confront the recalcitrance of political officials and the intransigence of the protectors of the old order. He knew that they would meet cold and arrogant men whose hearts had been hardened by the long winter of traditionalism. … And he gave them a formula for action, “Be ye therefore as wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” … We must combine the toughness of the serpent with the softness of the dove, a tough mind and a tender heart.
…

The tough mind is sharp and penetrating, breaking through the crust of legends and myths and sifting the true from the false. The tough-minded individual is astute and discerning. He has a strong austere quality that makes for firmness of purpose and solidness of commitment.
Who doubts that this toughness is one of man’s greatest needs? Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
…

Softmindedness often invades religion. … Softminded persons have revised the Beautitudes to read “Blessed are the pure in ignorance: for they shall see God.” This has led to a widespread belief that there is a conflict between science and religion. But this is not true. There may be a conflict between softminded religionists and toughminded scientists, but not between science and religion. … Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge which is power; religion gives man wisdom which is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals. They are complementary.
…

Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
There is little hope for us until we become toughminded enough to break loose from the shackles of prejudice, half-truths, and downright ignorance. The shape of the world today does not permit us the luxury of softmindedness. A nation or civilization that continues to produce softminded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.
But we must not stop with the cultivation of a tough mind. The gospel also demands a tender heart. … What is more tragic than to see a person who has risen to the disciplined heights of toughmindedness but has at the same time sunk to the passionless depths of hardheartedness?
…

The greatness of our God lies in the fact that He is both toughminded and tenderhearted.
…

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
…

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction. So when Jesus says “Love your enemies,” he is setting forth a profound and ultimately inescapable admonition. … The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
…

Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man’s sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

”

—	Dr Martin Luther King Jr

MM- New Day

2011-01-10T19:32:00.000-08:00

I have had this chorus stuck in my head all day, and the video cracks me up! :)

Here's to a day full of (genuine) smiles.

2011 Book Challenge!

2011-01-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

I recently joined Valerie Geary to participate in Steena Holmes 2011 Reading Challenge. I don't need a push to read, but sometimes it's good for me to have a goal with how much I want to read in order to pick up a book over the TV remote after a long day. I also have been trying to branch out and pick up different styles & genres, and previously set a goal to get good use out of my library card, so this challenge will help with that! :)

I encourage you to join me. Books=awesomeness.

My 2011 reading goal: 30 books. I was going to set the number a little higher, but I currently have a few thick classics on my list, so I'm trying to be realistic. :)

So far I have read:

1. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

This book was... how to describe it... well, lovely. It's was unusual, creepy, heart-warming, painful, uplifting, hauntingly beautiful. I felt such a mix of emotions reading this book. I do not feel I can do this book justice, as I am not the most eloquent of people, so I simply recommend that you read it. Just make sure you aren't home alone on the nights you pick it up. :)

2. A Long Way Down - Nick Hornby

I am a huge fan of Hornby's work. My first experience with Hornby was High Fidelity, which has now become one of my favorite books. I know, me love a novel about a Brit who is obsessed with music... what are the odds? :) Since then, I have devoured most of his novels and essays This book is a playful story about 4 people who meet when they are about to commit suicide. Yes, I said playful. These characters make me laugh, roll my eyes, deeply, sympathetic... they are real. Their misery is real, it is easy to connect to. . A Long Way Down has a different feel to it than much of what I have read, but is still very ... Hornby. His dry sense of humor and clever observations brought a smile to my face. It was like catching up with an old friend, after being apart far too long. Sigh. Love me some Hornby.

I'm sorry these brief reviews are not better, but I am tired... and I have more reading to get to before bed. :) Good night!

MM- a new year!

2011-01-03T19:07:00.001-08:00

This song just about sums up how I feel right now.

Here's to a fresh start... and feeling good ;)

Best of 2010 (pt2)

2011-01-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

Today, I start my seal of awesomeness awards for 2010.

Best independent coffeeshop: Ula Cafe

We stumbled into Ula Cafe after a visit to the Sam Adams Brewery. Now, this cafe goes hand in hand with our brewery trips. These are typically with guests, we are not alcoholics... though James was recognized there by a tour host recently. oops. :) I often wish Ula was closer. The food is unique and delicious. The atmosphere is friendly and comfortable. I appreciate that their wifi is free, though I never have to use it. Also, the staff likes my monkey hat, so they must be awesome. :)

Best Pub (tie):

The Squealing Pig

I first went this pub for my birthday this year, and it did not disappoint me! We had friends popping in and out for over 4 hours, and were never hassled to move on. The Pig burger is TASTY. I want one right now. :) I have brought many friends here since. A few extra perks: our random parking pass on our "new" jeep lets us park there, the MFA (in all it's glory) is just down the road, AND the place is full of funny pigs. Fabulous.

The Skellig

The skellig is our local pub in Waltham. I can't help but feel like I am back in Dublin the moment I walk in. This Irish pub is a standing favorite with the Waltham crowd. It delivers plenty of guinness, fine ales, ciders, and all the charms-n-trappings of a traditional brogue bar. The food overall is yummy, and their heartier dishes like Guinness beef stew and shepherd's pie are, indeed, worthy of song. BAn added perk, the Skellig features live traditional Irish music nightly. In addition to bands, cute old people showing up with instruments and jam in the main room at any given time. You'd be hard-pressed to find better — and 'tis free, laddie.

Best Visitor: Alison Smidt

I am so grateful to say that I have had many wonderful visitors over this past year! I have dedicated friends! However, this award was no contest. Alison has come to visit 3 times since the move, 2 of those in 2010. I started my year with her (a fun and cold adventure), and towards the end of a very difficult year, she returned and greatly restored my spirits. Our times together have been bustling and joyful, have taken us through 7 states in just over a year, filled us with great beer & even greater food, plus we have shared photo adventures coast to coast. Alison will also help clean your home & watch Harry Potter, which is more valuable than many realize. :) On her most recent trip, she was awarded a Boston Terrier Medal of Awesomeness.

Many thanks to you my friend!!

Best Photo Inspiration: LOST

Say what you may about the finale (which I loved), but LOST was (and will remain) one of the greatest TV shows ever made. My 365 project was it's most enjoyable this year on the days designated for the weekly LOST inspired image.

That's it for installment 1 of the seals of awesomeness. I'll be back soon for more!

30x30 - 2011 check in

2011-01-01T19:29:00.000-08:00

As of the beginning of this year, I am proud to see I am swiftly experiencing and accomplishing one goal after another. I have a feeling that many will be coming slowly, as they require extended time and money, neither of which I have a lot of at the moment. However, I'm feeling confident. :)

1. Purchase a pair Warby Parker Glasses
2. Drink a cold Sam Adams while looking at a "cold" Sam Adams
3. Go to Wilmington and take cheesy photos :)
4. Take the trolley to Doyle's
5. Attend an author signing
6. Skate at Frog Pond
7. Work through my french text book
8. Attend one of Boston's quirky brunch options
9. Check a new state off the list (virginia beach)
10. Complete the Independent coffeeshops of Boston list (7 down, 6 to go)
11. Hug James as much as possible!
12. Decide my next career path
13. See Grace Potter & the Nocturnals in concert
14. Run a full 5k
15. Photograph the Polar plunge
16. Send more letters and cards
17. Own a pair of TOMS
18. Cook Julia Childs Poulet au Porto with Artichokes & hollandaise sauce (successfully)
19. Sing along with Carols by Candlelight at Trinity church
20. Watch the Godfather trilogy
21. Surprise someone
22. Take the girls to the Zoo (it keeps eluding us)
23. Enjoy a trip with James that does not involve work, school, or anybody we know!
24. Learn how to whistle loudly
25. Make good use of my library card
26. Swim in Walden Pond
27. Spot a classic Boston celebrity
28. Camp @ Boston Harbor Islands
29. Complete the Walks of Greater Boston list (one more completed, a few to go).
30. Be tumor free!

Best of 2010 (pt1)

2011-01-01T14:25:00.000-08:00

In an effort to remind myself that much of 2010 was in fact pretty great, I will be posting a series of 2010 highlights. Above are some of my favorite moments throughout the year.

TBC...

MM- Snow Day!

2010-12-27T18:09:00.000-08:00

Greetings from La Chambre Moore! We are currently enjoying a blizzard by snuggling up, watching movies, and baking Sam Adams German Chocolate Bock Cake. Nom.

Enjoy this lovely winter day

MM- Merry Christmas to all!

2010-12-21T06:45:00.001-08:00

And to all a good night....

Ceaseless Hope

2010-12-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

[We] must be [people] of ceaseless hope…Every human act, every Christian act, is an act of hope. But that means [we] must be [people] of the present, [we] must live this moment - really live it, not just endure it - because this very moment, for all its imperfection and frustration, because of its imperfection and frustration, is pregnant with all sorts of possibilities, is pregnant with the future, is pregnant with love.

- Walter Burghardt

Last night I attended Candlelight Carols at Trinity Church in Copley Square. The choir performed beautifully, the candlelight processions were enchanting, and a packed out church singing Carols together finally brought out the Christmas spirit I knew I still had in me. What truly touched me, however, were the readings. I know many around me found them boring and were merely sitting through them before the music returned, but I found them to be inspiring. In an attempt to once again begin living life, not simply enduring it, I will be posting these readings as we lead up to Christmas. This posting is more for myself than anyone else, but I hope that others will be equally inspired.

Improvement?

2010-12-16T21:05:00.000-08:00

I find that I'm letting myself find more happy or peaceful moments in my days, but I'm still scared. Every time I feel an ache in my ankle, I worry the tumor is coming back. When I make plans I look forward to, I prepare myself for them to go awry. What bothers me the most is the fear I have for the future. I worry my future children will have health problems much worse than my own. When I hear siren coming down the street when James is at school, I momentarily fear something has happened to him, or that something will someday soon. These fears are always fleeting thoughts, but the are more frequent. As I said before, I dread the loss. I want to be back in a place where the future holds hope. For now I hope that the positive moments of the present will eventually find their way back into my dreams of the future. Prayers for this are appreciated.

30 by 30 - December check in

2010-12-14T16:29:00.000-08:00

Ok, I thought I would post how I am progressing with my 30x30 goals. :)

1. Purchase a pair Warby Parker Glasses
2. Drink a cold Sam Adams while looking at a "cold" Sam Adams
3. Go to Wilmington and take cheesy photos :)
4. Take the trolley to Doyle's
5. Attend an author signing
6. Skate at Frog Pond
7. Work through my french text book
8. Attend one of Boston's quirky brunch options
9. Check a new state off the list (virginia beach)
10. Complete the Independent coffeeshops of Boston list (4 down, 9 to go)
11. Hug James as much as possible!
12. Decide my next career path
13. See Grace Potter & the Nocturnals in concert
14. Run a full 5k
15. Photograph the Polar plunge
16. Send more letters and cards
17. Own a pair of TOMS
18. Cook Julia Childs Poulet au Porto with Artichokes & hollandaise sauce (successfully)
19. Sing along with Carols by Candlelight at Trinity church
20. Watch the Godfather trilogy
21. Surprise someone
22. Take the girls to the Zoo (it keeps eluding us)
23. Enjoy a trip with James that does not involve work, school, or anybody we know!
24. Learn how to whistle loudly
25. Make good use of my library card
26. Swim in Walden Pond
27. Spot a classic Boston celebrity
28. Camp @ Boston Harbor Islands
29. Complete the Walks of Greater Boston list (one more completed, a few to go).
30. Be tumor free!

MM- whimusical

2010-12-13T09:04:00.000-08:00

For those who need a touch of whimsy today:

Some days, a song can save you...

2010-12-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

This is one of those songs. The kind of song that makes you want to stand alone, with falling snow kissing your lifted face, and simply breath. deeply. I apologize for the delay, though whatever I would have pulled out of my hat/rear on monday would not have meant as much as this song does.

This week has been heart breaking and cathartic. I have grown so tired. Times have been hard before, but there is something different this time around. Something very personal and difficult to explain. There are moments I can speak of, pain and revelations that I have shared with my closest friends. I have, inappropriately at times, publicly aired my frustrations through a variety of mediums. I have unashamedly given in to, nay, welcomed a murky world view... I felt I was drowning in that half full glass which I was desperately clinging to.

While hoping to not sound overly cliche, I have been a stubborn and terrified wanderer on an arduous spiritual journey. A journey where the guide seems bent on breaking me, or possibly just insisting I finally admit I'm broken. I have put up a good fight. I have stuffed my emotions until they finally started escape through the cracks. I questioned my sanity when trite television dialogue would make me weepy, but written it off as fatigue. Turns out I was not completely off base... I am tired. So very tired. Tired of disappointment. Tired working so hard at life with little visible pay-off. Tired of questioning the validity and value of my relationships. Tired of the pain of letting go. Tired of the contempt our society holds for each other. Tired by the knowledge there are people more worse off then I, tired that I can't sufficiently help them, tired of the fact that I often lose site of them. Tired of misunderstanding. Tired of my broken body. Tired by reality yet exhausted by those who can't acknowledge it. Tired of watching those I love be overlooked. Tired of being wrong. Tired of being right. Tired.

What I ask for are explanations and resolutions, but what I really am searching for is meaning. That is as clear as I can be. I don't know what I want, but I know it is more than this. I don't know what is coming from being broken and can only trust that I'll be stronger. But trust is hard. Trust is terrifying. Trust is something I am wary of granting, something incomprehensible during times of wretchedness. Times could be better. Times will be better. But I fear the better because I dread the loss.

I struggle with God. Not in His existence, but rather what I'm supposed to do with that, with knowing Him, with this relationship that is so unclear. I'm angry with God, even though I know my anger is misguided. At times I wish there was such a thing as Karma, life would be simpler than. I could believe that in my next life I will be a Muppet and the douche bags of the world will be stink bugs. I think that would make life a bit easier. Sadly, I do not believe that we know God because He makes our life easier. In fact, I'm sure he doesn't. One could argue that I don't know how much easier God has made my life, but face it, God did not force a fair existence upon us (thanks-ish). As much as I was "informed" growing up that my goodness will "add more jewels to my crown in heaven", I don't believe heaven is a place where people have bragging rights, and frankly, I've never been one for jewelry. But that promise of peace... that peace is something I desire now, and am still unsure how to procure it, or even understand it. I seem to find it in fragments.

Yesterday, it was in a pine cone. More specifically, the pine cone sitting in the base of my "christmas tree stand". A pine cone found by my husband, on our hunt for holiday decorations. A pine cone whose potential existence was the reason for James to get me bundled up and outside, out of my bed, and to stop my tears. It was something I could work with, something I could make beautiful and useful, and in that I found peace. Throughout our search, we also may have ripped a huge branch off of a tree at a nearby school, to fill in as a Christmas tree in our home...but that's a story for another day and another topic. :)

Today, I find peace in a song. As it washes over me, I stare at the pine cone and find hope in the reminder that I have someone to take me by the hand and help me stand tall. I think for now, that's all I can do.

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair"

- Mumford & Sons

Food junkie

2010-12-05T13:39:00.001-08:00

I love food. I love cooking. I love making grocery lists, especially when they contain ingredients for a dish I have never attempted before. This week I will be preparing a chicken pot pie, black bean chorizo soup (with a hint of orange), and a russian vegetable soup. Comfort food for the cold and dreary days (temperately and emotionally)? Yes, please!

I have been saying this for 6 months now, but I will say it again. I would love to disappear to a cabin for 6 months or so. Bring James, some books, my camera, a couple of kayaks (apparently in this daydream I have some money to spend), our cribbage board. Basically venture into town for food and head straight back. To ponder, to write, to daydream, to enjoy the quiet... to live simply and to heal, this is a dream that will have to wait.

(deep breath)

I need a vacation

2010-11-30T21:48:00.000-08:00

Life could really use a pause button. Or possibly an intermission, providing us a chance to relieve ourselves of the toxins before jumping back in for the rest of the show.
Yes... I did just somehow say I want to pee out my frustrations.
If that isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is.

:)

Music Mondays - Team Peeta!

2010-11-29T16:11:00.000-08:00

I spent the weekend obsessively reading The Hunger Games Trilogy. IF you haven't read it yet, pick it up now. Then sit and talk about it with me. I'm slowly lifting out of my Fiction Fog, which is bittersweet. In honor of (ok, pathetically attempting to hold onto) the story, today I post a song that could easily be the theme song of the Mockingjay film. Plus, I heart Muse. ;)

Muse |MTV Music

Music Mondays - a strong link

2010-11-22T15:54:00.000-08:00

I miss singing in the round

Good morning Virginia Beach!

2010-11-19T08:26:00.001-08:00

It's so nice to meet you...

:)

Music Mondays- Walking on Sunshine!

2010-11-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

That's right... I'm walking! No crutches! No Boot! Huzzah!

Today I felt like these girls on the inside.... especially Lea Michelle on that last note ;)

30 things to do before I'm 30:

2010-11-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

I truthfully did not have a huge melt down upon turning 29. Ok, I had one major concern about my future and that good ol' biological clock, but other than that I feel pretty satisfied with where I am at currently. I have done and seen more in my 20's than many will get to accomplish in a lifetime. I am pretty blessed. What really inspired me to make this list was spending nearly 5 months of the last 15 months without the ability to walk or work. Having so much time fly by with limited ability to enjoy it has driven me to accomplish more in this last year of my 20's. I do not regret the things I have not done, and I am excited for the adult changes that will inevitably come with my 30's. I simply think this is a transitional year that will provide opportunities both for fun and for change. Plus... 30 by 30 just has a great ring to it. ;)

So without further adieu, my list:

1. Purchase a pair Warby Parker Glasses
2. Drink a cold Sam Adams while looking at a "cold" Sam Adams
3. Go to Wilmington and take cheesy photos :)
4. Take the trolley to Doyle's
5. Attend an author signing
6. Skate at Frog Pond
7. Work through my french text book
8. Attend one of Boston's quirky brunch options
9. Check a new state off the list
10. Complete the Independent coffeeshops of Boston list (4 down, 9 to go)
11. Hug James as much as possible!
12. Decide my next career path
13. See Grace Potter & the Nocturnals in concert
14. Run a full 5k
15. Photograph the Polar plunge
16. Send more letters and cards
17. Own a pair of TOMS
18. Cook Julia Childs Poulet au Porto with Artichokes & hollandaise sauce (successfully)
19. Sing along with Carols by Candlelight at Trinity church
20. Watch the Godfather trilogy
21. Surprise someone
22. Take the girls to the Zoo (it keeps eluding us)
23. Enjoy a trip with James that does not involve work, school, or anybody we know!
24. Learn how to whistle loudly
25. Make good use of my library card
26. Swim in Walden Pond
27. Spot a classic Boston celebrity
28. Camp @ Boston Harbor Islands
29. Complete the Walks of Greater Boston list (including the North End bakery tour. nom).
30. Be tumor free!

Music Mondays - Teaser

2010-11-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

Seeing as I am poor this year, I will again be sending out some music to my friends this holiday season. This song has just been placed on my new mix. Enjoy, and let me know if you want to hear the rest next month ;)

blerg.

2010-10-27T21:43:00.001-07:00

blarg.

Muse-ic Mondays

2010-10-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

There are few things that satisfy me more than coming across a new song that stops me in my tracks. I described this on Facebook as a song that makes me catch my breath then sink into a soulful stupor. I miss music. I miss singing and spending a large chunk of my life at live shows. I have (slowly) been growing more content with a simpler life, which includes buying less music and attending less concerts. I admit, this is painful at times. However, through the self control of not buying any album that catches my eye, I have found joy in finding "that song". A song that inspires me, a song that momentarily changes my environment, be it blurring out the madness or enhancing the beauty of my surroundings. Limiting what I can buy has helped me hone the ability to seek out something more beautiful. I find this inspiration online, through friends, stopping to observe people playing for free in the parks, or often scoring my favorite shows & films. My iTunes is slowly becoming reliable when I turn shuffle on... I'm sure some of you understand what that means. :)

My most recent find is Laura Izibor, a 22 year old powerhouse from Dublin, Ireland. Her music is beautiful. Just listening to her makes me want to go be creative, pronto. She is currently guest starring on One Tree Hill, and I assume she will be the next artist picked up on the fictional record label of the show. OTH is not known for being the highest quality show on tv (which doesn't stop me from loving it), but I would have to say I respect it's use of music more than any other show I have seen. If you are looking for good music, just check out: http://www.oth-music.com/

To see her performance of this song on the show, I have also posted the following:

Food Coma

2010-10-23T18:37:00.001-07:00

In addition to this lunch, this weekend has given me the opportunity to consume:

(but with Butternut Squash Ravioli, since we couldn't find any of the pumpkin variety)

Also, tonight we made Spaghetti with Shrimp & freshly made pesto, as well as homemade Pecan Pie ala mode.

My belly is happy. Yum.

Decisions, decisions

2010-10-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

I have been asked by many people how it feels to be 29. Did I freak out? Not so much. Did I feel old? In the big picture, I'm not even close. The best answer I can come up with is that I felt ready. Ready for what, specifically, I still can't answer satisfyingly.

I am ready for change. I am ready to focus. I am ready to talk about when I want a family (though not nearly ready to have one). My biggest push, which covers all of the above, is that I am ready to think about what I want to do with my life, and how to best accomplish that. I am vague, I float, I have many interests. Therefore, being ready to make a choice is both liberating and terrifying. Yes, liberating might sound like a strange word to describe an outlook on life that is more open/free, but I find it can be a trap. Without focus, I have limited my potential, which becomes glaringly obvious every time I need to find new work and must start from scratch. However, I feel I am working towards a happy balance. I am teetering on options that will both provide me with a career, but keep my options open to wherever life takes us. I love my job now, but a nanny is not a career. These adorable girls will get older, the need for me will diminish. While this position has been wonderful, I know that I need to take steps forward now so I will be ready when this season ends. Thankfully, it is a job that is flexible enough for me to work towards another career while I continue as a nanny. I am blessed for that.

Here is my dilemma... which path to take?

1. Enroll in a nursing program to become an RN. This is an idea that has danced within my subconscious for many years. I have been drawn to the idea of the job but never thought that an opportunity would arise. With James in school, it didn't make sense to even approach the idea. After my first surgery, as I was job hunting, I began to peruse the courses I would need to take. I finally mentioned my thoughts to James, and he was in full support of the idea. I enrolled in my first prerequisite and emerged with a nearly perfect score. There was a sense of pride, a joy in learning something that could make a difference. My interest grew stronger.

Pros: In many ways, this is a safe bet. School, certificate, job. This field has a demand, there is stability, the pay is solid. My hope would be to eventually work within Pediatrics. I love children, I am good with them, and I feel it would be a place that I could serve others. I see a deep need for nurses who care, and I have been told that is a common problem. For the future, there are also many positives. When James and I finally do start a family, schedules are flexible. The benefits are fabulous. There are many avenues within nursing. I could use my knowledge and skills in so many different positions; hospitals, schools, private practices, etc. Our future locations are uncertain given both James's future as a Professor and our desire to work overseas. Nursing would give me opportunities both locally and abroad. I would know where to look, and I could stick with this job (however it manifests) until I retire, should I want that. It just makes sense.

Cons: Starting from scratch is scary. That is simple. I worry about entering into a program and investing my money without knowing how I will perform. I worry that i will struggle emotionally with the position as I can be far too empathetic. I am not sure if my fear of needles will hinder me. It figures that literally nothing makes me squirmy (vomit, bodily fluids, disease, etc), but one tiny needle can make my heart pound. Perhaps I will get past it... perhaps it will be my achilles heel. I have always struggled with my health and while that helps me understand patients, I also worry how well I would hold up against the germs. All what ifs', I know. Silly as it is, my biggest fear is the regret of turning down my other option.

2. I have considered going full-time with my photography. That has obviously been a desire for years. I feel that I have come into my own over the last few years, but I can't progress any further unless I take the plunge. I know what my limitations are, and going full time would free me up to push further. I have found a few small business courses. I have found workshops to attend. The idea excites me.

Pros: This is something I know. I could love it. I have experience, and I'm pretty good at it. I feel with some education I could be... legitimate. The investment would be large, but potentially so would the pay off. I would be my own boss and not deal with much of the BS that I find in most jobs. I could fully tap my creative side and fewer things bring me more joy. I technically could do photography anywhere. My schedule would be completely flexible. In the future, with a family, it would smoothly line up with the schedule of a professor.

Cons: Starting a business is not safe. It is a lot of money to invest without knowing how it will come back. I would enjoy learning more about my passion, but likely never get to learn another one. Transitioning to another city/state/country would not be impossible, but it would be very difficult. It would be completely irresponsible to invest that much money into something unstable before James is finished with school and has his own steady job.

My main concern is that I do not want to romanticize these choices. I have more people tell me to go with photography, but that tends to come from the more "sparkly" perspective. It's trendy, it's artsy, and I would get a lot of great toys. Trust me, that appeals to me, but I want to leave that out of the mix. I think both are important, both can be fulfilling. Frankly, I know that I may not have to choose. I could easily do nursing now, and go back to photography full time in the future, when I have learned a new skill and I am financially more stable. It would not be so easy to do both the other way around. Realistically, if I had a thriving photo business, I don't see myself going back to school. So I ask myself, do I take advantage of this opportunity to learn now something new and valuable now, or do I pass it in order to build my current talents sooner? Will I regret benching my creative side for the time being? On the flip side, would I deeply regret missing my chance to learn something new while I still had the time/means?

Truthfully, I think I already know the answer. I just needed to talk it out.

Grrr. Sigh. Etc.

Music Mondays - guest DJ

2010-10-18T13:59:00.000-07:00

I am ssuuuuuuuper excited to tell you that, thanks to my mom, I have taken on a job/been given a gift that has payed for a flight to Virginia Beach next month! Woooohooooo! I am very excited to spend a weekend with my friend Jessica. We will chill. We will cook. We will drive to Wilmington and indulge the giddy teen inside of us. Also, I'm sure we will listen to A LOT of good music. Jessica shares my deep and eclectic love of music, so in honor of the good news, I have asked her to choose today's Music Monday tune. Jessica loves this song because of it's funky vibe, and recommends playing it while making something delicious in the kitchen. Don't mind if I do!

In other fantabulous news, my trip to the Doctor this afternoon was quite successful. My splint has been removed, I get to wear my boot, and I have started 25% weight bearing. I will be building upon that over the next few weeks. My next appt is on November 15, and at that point I should be cleared to walk without crutches and start my strengthening exercises!

Today and got to gimp around and enjoy the crisp, fresh, autumn air. It was well with my soul.

Will work for sanity!

2010-10-16T19:32:00.001-07:00

Yes... I'm too tired (in everyway) to even retype this, so I'm posting a screen shot:

Life is hard. I'm totally willing to make yours easier... for a small sum. :)

Donations are also accepted. But why not get something out of it?? ;)

KBS
(Keep Briana Sane)

To Sir with Love

2010-10-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know me well, they might find it odd that my most loved and excessively used nickname for James is something as formal as "Sir". It is typically spoken with a slight lisp and a very large grin. I myself thought is was one of the more random habits to have surfaced, until the fateful day I revisited this video:

Again, for those who do not know me well, I would like to clarify I do not find my husband akin to Rasputin. I just really really love Bartok the bat. I quoted him a lot in college and it brought me great joy. Upon making this connection, I realized my calling him Sir meant that I was so happy, I brought out one of my favorite quotes without even being aware of it. This makes me smile. :) It also tempted me to respond to misunderstandings with "oh sure, blame the bat, what the heck", but I think I will hold off on that for now. ha!

For our one year anniversary, James bought a journal for us each to update every year. It is where we write it all down. The better and the worse, our hopes and our fears. We are only a few years in, but already I enjoy reading through our yearly expressions and seeing how things have change, how we have grown. I am a bit behind this year with everything that has happened, so I have been thrilled to have this time where I am forced to rest. I have sat, focused, reflecting, and enjoying every moment of it. I realized as important as it is to write the thoughts for each other, I don't always want to stop there. I have been reminded lately how much I cherish what I have with James, and how rare that has become. I would like to take a moment to say publicly what I say at home everyday... I love James, more than anyone or anything in this world.

I love that James is my family. For me, the word family has mostly been laced with pain and bitterness. When we got married, I breathed a sigh of relief that WE were a family, and for once that word was so sweet. Our home is a place where each is safe; safe to love, safe to struggle, safe to be imperfect, and safe to trust the other to redirect when needed. Though our attempts are nowhere near perfect, we try to remember to put each other first instead of fighting for what we want ourselves. That simple question of "how can I serve this person" is not how we are naturally geared, but the more natural that comes, the less headache comes with it. :) I love knowing that James is here. He is present. I love that we can have our own traditions. I love that he is not afraid to break off from his old life and make our family OURS. I love that we each play our own roles within our marriage, and that we are learning how to respect and value those roles equally. I love that I don't like sleeping without him there next to me. I am excited for our family to grow... even though I don't want that for a little while longer ;) ha.

I love that James is my best friend. I love that he encompasses those things that are the most important to me within friendship. Honesty, open communication (even if it's awkward), support, and accountability. I love that he can make me laugh, really hard, and consistently. I love that there is not a thing in the world that I can't tell him. I appreciate that he knows when I am being silly just to make him shake his head at me... and promptly shakes it with a straight mouth but a glint in his eye. I love that we can dance like muppets around the kitchen. I love that he doesn't let me win any game we play AND that he is not a sore loser considering how often I kick his trash at scrabble. I love that I can sit in silence with him in the car, for an hour, and feel at peace. I love that he lets me dream while he keeps his feet on the ground, and I love that with that balance we can make those dreams come true.

I love that James his own person... and that I have remained mine. Naturally marriage changes people, there are traits within each of us now that older friends are not sure what to do with.... and I'm perfectly ok with that. However, we still know who we are. I enjoy that we can take trips solo, indulge in separate hobbies, and essentially hold on the IMPORTANT pieces of ourselves from our past. You know, those things that drew us together in the first place? ;) I love that we can disagree. I love that after all these years we can debate, get flustered, and hold on strong to our differing opinions... and then give each other a kiss. I like that I can tell him to stop being a turd, he can tell me stop being so sensitive, and we know we will each still stubbornly be ourselves... but try to ease up a little. I love that we have balance. It's what makes us successful in many ways. We can be our own people while still respecting what we have together. We can respect our separate interests while keeping our life together the main priority. I am beyond blessed for that.

I love that James is a good man. I am beyond blessed to be married to someone as honorable as him. James is honest. If integrity could ooze out of someone, I would recommend a good majority of the world to come touch him and hope it rubbed off. He is hard working, and that word almost doesn't do him justice. James has one of the most respectable work ethics I have ever seen. He comes across harsh to many, even myself at times. A practical man, he is characteristically calm and matter-of-fact. There are times this drives me bonkers... then I remember it's just what I need when I am in a fury of passion or sentiment. I love that James has mature priorities, and I love even more that he sticks to them. He is responsible. He has taught me so much. I love that he is tender, but reserves that for those who deserve it. He is choosy with who he lets into his life, and he protects me from those who have not deserved their place in mine. I love that he is confident, but not above reproach. I love that he doesn't put up with bullshit. I love that I need to stop myself here or I will go on forever.

I love James. I just figured it was time to let you all know what I meant when I said that. :)

Oops... I did it again

2010-10-13T09:32:00.001-07:00

I had a very believable dream dream that I blogged, so I completely forgot to update. Wooooops. :)

I have so much to update. The last of my VERY late "what I did this summer" stories, surgery updates, etc. I have a few things to do, but I'll be back throughout the week!

Music Monday- Legs & loves

2010-10-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jen and my lame leg, I was able to enjoy one last game at Fenway this weekend. The fact that it was closing day, sox/yankees, and the sox WON, made it that much sweeter. I enjoyed hearing this song one last time as Papelbon walked out to close the game and bring the sox a much welcomed/celebrated victory.

I was stuck between this and Dirty Water, but I realized that being the week of my surgery I needed to include that song that best summed up EVERYTHING... so the lyrics "I lost my leg" naturally won over. Lastly, the clips of Boston in this video make me happy. I love Boston. As confirmed while watching The Town this week, after just over 1 year living here, I am so in love with this city that I am proud and giddy when I see it get the love and attention it deserves.

Music Monday- Burgers & Squash

2010-09-27T05:40:00.000-07:00

I post this because:

1. I have recently introduced the girls to Silly songs with Larry, and they LOVE them.
2. The only way to get a song out of your head is to pass it on. :)

Remiss...

2010-09-23T17:12:00.000-07:00

...is mine middle name

I have not been giving my blog much lovin' lately. I guess I feel it deserves a nice time of relaxation before I start writing a ridonculous amount of entries while on crutches.

.

Stories, videos, and musings to come... soon.

MUSIC MONDAY- stuck

2010-09-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to my hubs ;)

Pretty in Pink... and blue!

2010-09-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

How cute are these girls? I mean seriously... I can't even handle it

Also, since I missed music monday yesterday (I was just too tired), here is a cover to make y'all a little nostalgic. :)
Just ignore the cheesy graphics. Apparently the people who like this song have not gotten very creative. ha!

Today, life is good

2010-09-10T20:08:00.001-07:00

Deep breath.
Hold.
Sigh.

:)

Breaking Point

2010-09-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

Today, I reached my breaking point. Through the planning, the focusing on the good parts, the trying to tell my family/others why it's not that bad, and everything else, I have not allowed myself to feel. Today, with one bump to the ankle, I felt everything. That moment of pain brought every experience back to me: the surgery, the pain, the restlessness, the frustration, the fear, the falls (klutzy people do not belong on crutches), the financial anxiety. On top of that came the new information: this could keep happening over, and over, and over. I have been asked what else I can do to lower the recurrence rate. Sadly, my options are not good. Bone cement could cut through the bone into my joint, and I would be limited in activities for the rest of my life. Chemo... it's chemo. The side effects are endless. So we go into this surgery just hoping to be part of the other 50% who are healed after the bone graft, and pray it will be the last time. These were the thoughts and images that rushed to my brain upon that moment of impact this morning. So I wept. Uncontrollably. It was that gasping, semi snotty, face contorting blubbering where you are too embarassed to see yourself let alone let anyone else see you. Despite that, I ended up finding James because I couldn't stop. I love James. Very much. He let me sob and tell him how much I didn't want this until it all worked out of my system and simply held me and told me how he understood. I needed that. I realized how much that has been missing.

I know I can't expect people to react the way that I need. I just am feeling baffled and lost when it comes to the responses of so many people close to me. I have gotten everything from the indifferent ("bummer" and "well isn't it easy the second time around"), to the cliche ("god is in control" and "others have it so much worse"), or even having someone express how much it will effect THEM (apparently my pain is just too painful for someone ELSE to experience). I don't need anyone to fix this for me... I'm a fixer, I'm a planner, I can hold my own and honestly, nobody could work these details better. I don't need to be told to be reminded that I'm not a child soldier or that at least it's not cancer. 1) I am familiar with other people having WAY worse crap going on in the world. The big picture is not a mystery to me. 2) Why yes, I have considered the fact that benign is better than malignant. 2b) However, cancer or no cancer, bone tumors eat away your bone until it's so weak it could crack in half while I was walking down the street, and leave much of the rest hollow. So yes... it's still a big deal. I am also 100% aware that God has a plan, God will take care of me, and anything else people care to share with me about God. I have a relationship with the Lord, he & I have been down this road before, and I trust all of that. I just don't like it, and choose to tell God that. I don't think that God has a problem with that, so perhaps everyone else should be ok with that too. I get that I have been through this before, and even said myself that recovery will be more manageable this time around. That doesn't make this any easier. That doesn't make it any less of a stress or a burden. In fact, in many ways, I don't see how people don't understand a second time is not going to be better. It's worse... IT'S BACK. AGAIN.

I don't know what it is. Maybe people don't know how to respond. Maybe people are selfish or not listening. Maybe some people have smaller IQ's than I care to admit. Maybe people think I deserve it. Likely all of the above.

I guess right now I just need to be allowed to feel. I have been through my fair share of bullshit in life, I am handed that end of the stick, I know how to get through it. I'm not always graceful, but I make it, and I'm proud of it. I just am tired of being told how to see things, how to feel, how to react. I know better than most of you because I know what I'm facing, and I know myself. So I guess, selfishly, for now, if you can't let feel this, experience this, and scream a bit through the emotional rollercoaster of these next few months, I ask this:

Please just shut up and leave me alone. You are no help.

Unlike this guy... he is a huge help:

A baby mini hippo. Be still my heart.

FMLTW (this week)

2010-09-08T16:43:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure that I should never have admitted to being able to see the positive side of things. I feel like ever since I publicly expressed those words, the world has taken that as a challenge. Tumor is mocking me. I got crazy sick and had to call off on one of the worst days possible. Today was my first day back after both the announcement of the tumor and having to call off. This is the day that Kate decides that it would be a good idea to step onto my ankle (precisely over my tumor), and then proceed to launch off of it. I now have to spend the next few days icing, taking it as easy as possible, and then hoping the pain goes away by Monday. If not, I have to get more x-rays and make sure the weight didn't cause a fracture or anything else and have to move up my surgery. That has no silver lining.

What I need now is people to tell me funny stories, send me funny pictures, or remind me that my birthday might actually be fun this year. On that note, I found out the museum we are going to on my birthday has free wheelchairs. Lame, but completely awesome. No pain on my big day. :) Yay!

And now something to make us all smile:

I think I need to call on him to help me out tomorrow!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

2010-09-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

Last night I felt sick. Very very sick. Headache, muscle pain, fatigue, abdominal cramps, nausea, and so forth. I was up throughout most of the night. After a total of 4 hours of sleep pieced together here and there, I am sitting up in bed, typing away, as I couldn't waste another minute trying to sleep. Symptoms are less severe but still very much alive and kicking. I'm bummed I feel this way and am not having my special Allie day today. Blerg. James... well he is James and thinks people shouldn't call ofo work unless they are on their deathbed, so he is likely a bit grumpy with my being home. I'm currently alternating between grumbling at God and then just laughing at my life.

I'm unsure how this happened. There is a pretty good chance it's from an unfortunate raw chicken cutting board/knife meets innocent veggies incident on Sunday night. After reading and talking to some friends, I am aware there is also a good chance my body flipped out from stress of my upcoming surgery, since I have not let my brain do that yet. I don't want to mope, or wallow, or anything of that sort. However, I think it would be good to slow down today, to take in everything that is happening. I need to momentarily mourn the things that deep down I'm sad about. I still need to process the fear that I have going into this next season. As I said to a friend last night, even David yelled at God. I'm sorry God, I know you have a plan, but today I plan to let you know I neither understand, nor do I like it. In the end I will trust it, but today I merely ask "WHY"?

Despite what I have said above, I again feel the need to explain why these are still some of the best of times:
1. Even though I feel like I am a bit of a burden right now, I have a wonderful job that I love
2. James has begun his last year in the this Brandeis program. He is doing well and next year is looking promising. Also, he is a truly great husband. Also, I think with some practice he could be America's Favorite Dancer. Triple Threat!
3. I live in Boston. Need I say more?
4. I have far better friends than I need or deserve. They are kind, generous, thoughtful, and I love them very much
5. Thanks to the internet, the Muppets are available to make me laugh anytime I need

And that's only the beginning...

Eat, Pray, Loathe

2010-09-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, I will admit it, I do want to read the book. However, this quote REALLY made me laugh.

"I was gonna watch "Eat Pray Love" but realized that if I wanna see rich, self-righteous women, who travel the world "to find themselves" and not actually help anyone, I would just drive around south Orange County."

Lately I have spend\t a lot of time thinking about the things that we romanticize here in the US. It troubles me what we consider to be important, ideal, and successful.

The Rain Cloud

2010-09-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

So, as I stated yesterday, I am choosing to focus on the silver lining. I can handle the cloud. The cloud is big, the cloud is getting in the way of many things, but I can handle it. However, in the spirit of being honest, there are a few times a day where a little pity rain will fall from that cloud and splash me in the face. They typically are easy to move on from, so I am allowing myself to soak them up for a moment before stepping out of the rain. Here are a few droplets...

*I love the Fall. I have been looking forward to fall returning ever since last January! It is my favorite season and this is the best place to experience it. As this season is creeping in, I am now having to limit my activity in order to make it to the surgery. I then will spend the rest of the season with my leg up. Basically my rest starts now

*James and I had been planning our first real vacation (non-working, non-family), aside from our honeymoon, in 6 years. I love to travel, I love spending time with him, and yet we simply have not had the means to take even a weekend away together. We were supposed to go to Montreal over the holidays to snowshoe, frolic, and just BE. I'm deeply sad to be losing that opportunity.

*We have just now stabilized financially from my LAST surgery.... I was excited to finally spend $ once in awhile without feeling guilt! Now I'm back to wondering if I ask for living essentials for my birthday/christmas and sad that I can't seem to find a time where I can just go to the movies or buy those hilarious baby manatee socks without great debate.

* I was enjoying jogging. Needless to say, that will be put off for awhile. ha!

*There is also that pesky "don't put your foot down for a few months" thing.

So I soak it in, step out of the rain, dry off, and try to look at the silver lining again. I think this will happen daily for awhile. I'm hoping That will change though. Especially when I remember things like my new excuse to use the motorized shopping carts.
Weeeee!

Every cloud has an aluminum lining!

2010-09-03T10:49:00.000-07:00

If I could think of the biggest thing that I would thank God for besides James and this whole "giving me life" thing, I would have to say it is my ability to laugh no matter the circumstance. I am human, I have my meltdowns, I can live in a stressball fog, but overall I can smile, I can laugh, and I can find that silver lining. My current giggles come as I chat with Mary Ginty over IM, wowed by crutch carry on pouches and price comparing the Elasto-Gel Crutch-Mate I.

That's right folks. I am currently planning for another 1/4 of my life to be spent on crutches, and for the return of the infamous "das boot" (thank you Stephen). My tumor has returned and I will be heading into surgery on October 6. While I deeply wish that this was not happening, I am already finding that my cloud is as silver lined as it could possibly be when a future of clacking around on those damn aluminum sticks is heading my way.

To begin, I have been through this before, so I know what is coming. I have time to prepare, and I know HOW to prepare. We won't be leaving 5 days after surgery to drive everything we own across country. I know that I will have work once I am better. I already know how to use crutches, so awkward hospital crutch teacher man won't have an opportunity to look at my butt while he helps tie my gown and assumes my husband didn't catch what he did. See! All good things. ;) ha!

I am very blessed with amazing friends. Jen Smith has generously agreed to come live with us during my recovery and cover me at work. This makes me so happy because I love the girls and want them to be in good hands! It also will be nice to have someone to spend time with during this next venture into gimp life. My email inbox has already been flooded with offers of food, help, support, and visits. My employers have been very understanding. I love the people in my life. :)

I currently am making my lists of projects, movies, books, etc, that I have not had time for this year. I figure that should help the "lost" time feel somewhat worth it. I am open to suggestions. :) Times like this I thank God that I am a planner. I feel confident that this time will go smoothly. I feel worse about taking time away from my job than I do anything else within this situation, but even that seems to be coming together the best it can. Within 24 hours of my tumor being confirmed, so much has come through. My lists are growing: paper work to fill out, insurance/disability questions, shopping to be done. I do not think the next few months will be easy, but I know it will work out.

The fear does creep in from time to time. The surgery itself and the week after was one of the most miserable times of my life. However, I know that time will pass. I will adjust to having to fully wake up in order to safely crutch to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The weight eventually does start to come off once I start walking again. Finances will be extremely tight but as always we will get by. And so on, and so forth.

I have been asked many questions, and likely will get a few more after this. I plan to answer them. However, I first plan to watch a movie and take a nap. :) For those who were wondering, check back later and I'll share more.

Music Mondays- respect his authoritah!

2010-08-30T16:22:00.001-07:00

‎"I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely
on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids." - Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Creators of South Park

Music Mondays- Rain Rain, don't go away

2010-08-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

I love rainy weather. I have said it a hundred times, but there is something about a grey sky that brings me joy. It should be no surprise that one of my favorite artists to provide a soundtrack to a drizzling day is the fabulous David Gray. I have played him for you all before, however, considering the weather and my broken heart over missing him live last week(tear/groan/sigh), it seems the time has come to revisit his lovely music.

I try to not repeat artists frequently, so I have added a bonus song, that also is fitting with the wet, the calm, and the joy of my day. I adore Priscilla Ahn. I saw her open for Alexi Murdoch a few years back, and she is enchanting on stage.

Whose music embodies your feelings towards a rainy day?

Me want cookie

2010-08-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

How to have a successful lazy afternoon/evening

2010-08-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

1. Put on yoga clothes (stretchy and comfy!)
2. Read the funnies
3. Given James a hug
4. Eat ice cream while watching Haven
5. Tell James he should really make the dinner tonight!
6. Eat dinner.
7. Convince James to massage my shoulder
8. Finish watching Haven while uploading most recent photoshoot
9. Check Facebook
10. Chat online
11. Edit photos while watching 30 Rock.
12. Get more hugs
13. Upload photos while watching MORE 30 Rock. :)
14. Listen to David Gray
15. Go to bed!

Music mondays- return from vacation!

2010-08-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

I took the day off from life on Monday, and it was greatly needed. I had originally planned to post videos by both Ray Lamontagne and David Gray this afternoon, as I had tickets to see them in concert tonight. However, life took over, and I made the painfully responsible choice of selling them. I ended up with a hefty profit, so that is encouraging. My night was spent chatting with friends over beers at the local pub. Not too shabby. I know this concert will never come around again, but I am learning to be content in life as I try to be a good steward. I find myself frustrated these months of letting go of many special plans. However, I trust that things will improve. Until then, I can be content with the simple joys in life. Like Cookies.

Music Mondays- Mixed Feelings

2010-08-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

While I typically am not a fan of the content of his lyrics, I don't think it can be denied that Eminem is extremely talented. His most recently album even seems a bit more mature (so far). I like his most recent single, Love the Way you Lie. I feel that is breaks down the thought process of many couples who are stuck in abusive relationships, and I respect that. However, I am disappointed when I think of how many people do not see that this is a message about how damaging they are. Eminem and Rihanna are not naive... they know more people will buy the record because of the "sick hook" and are aware of how many people will use this song to identify with the reality of abusive relationships in unhealthy ways. So are they really teaching people about the dangers of abusive relationships, or are they irresponsible in their handling of this song and glorifying the subject? I understand that Rihanna wants to send a message about Domestic Violence, but her lyrics/the TITLE of the song are the only words many people pay attention to, and are the most misleading... I like the way it hurts, I love the way you lie... This is what I take issue with. While I agree Eminem "cleverly breaks down the cycle of violence "(rihanna), it is the hook and the beat that set the tone for listeners. They will hear Eminem say "Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk", but not catch that he intentionally raises his voice to a disgruntled yell as he says it. Somehow the admittance to lying in his apologies is taken as something he does out of a twisted love, rather than the character simply being twisted and disturbed.

Overall I think this is a great song. Do I think Eminem was being apologetic and thoughtful in writing it? Sure. Do I think he intended to write in a way that would provide instant buzz, and was aware of the ramifications of this song in the hands of his more ignorant fans? Of course. I love it for the music and the conversation it can bring about. I hope that enough women who need to be free of Domestic Violence will have someone who can use this as a tool to speak some wisdom & compassion into their lives.

On another note... I don't like seeing my hobbit in the role of abusive bf. Also, I judge myself just a little for thinking he still looks hot. ;) Drop the booze and pick up a jar of peanut butter Charlie!!!

Music Mondays- No regrets

2010-08-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

I love this song:

Which reminds me, I need to watch this movie again soon:

Music Mondays - Dixie Love

2010-07-26T16:58:00.001-07:00

I forgot about this song until it popped up on an old mix last week. It's a good song to belt out in the car. :)

*** removed video because it wouldn't stop turning on by itself! Look up Dixie Chicks "Not ready to make nice" online to view!

How I spent my summer vacation pt2

2010-07-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

Upon my return from California, I had one day free to relax, 1 day back at work, and then I picked up my friend Mary from the Airport! Woohoo!!!! :) Here are the highlights from her visit:

Day 1: Mary came in to work with me. We spent the afternoon hanging out with Allie, then spent the evening in Harvard Square.
I can't find photos... so just believe it was awesome! ;)

Day 2: Ula Cafe, Sam Adams (attaining the illusive step 4 glass, huzzah!), BPL, Copley, the Public Garden, dinner and exploring in the North End. It was a full day, our feet hurt, but our hearts and tummies were happy!

Day 3: Mary and I spent the day in South Boston. We started with a visit to the ICA. I normally only find contemporary art museums to be so-so, but I LOVE the ICA. Plus, the exhibits by Roni Horn were pretty darn fabulous. We then took in a delicious lunch at the Legal Test Kitchen. My watermelon/arugula salad and clam chowder hit the spot. I want more now. mmm.
After lunch we took a tour of the Harpoon Brewery. Harpoon beer is delicious, and the tasting session at the brewery is like none I have ever experienced. 10 beers on tap, all you can drinks. Aaaaaaaamazing. Mary and I had picked up a variety of pastries at Mike's the night before and left them in the jeep for the right moment. We ended our day outside the ICA (where we parked), eating pastries on the deck overlooking the water. Just as we were finishing, I noticed a pretty incredible cloud creeping around the building, then realized it was getting dark. Moments later, everyone on the deck started screaming and running towards us. Everything went dark, the cloud swirled around us, and the whole group of strangers crowded together atop the the highest step on the desk. Once we realized we were not going to die, sitting out the storm was pretty enjoyable. :) I later found out the storm ripped trees in half all throughout the city. Thank God we were in the location we were when it started, our original plan would have put us a mile away from our car with no shelter. ha!

I had so much fun Mary, thank you for coming!!!!!! I hope to see you again soon. :)

Got Cojones?

2010-07-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

You see I know change

I see change

I embody change

All we do is change

Yeah, I know change

We are born to change

We sometimes regard it as a metaphor

That reflects the way things ought to be

In fact change takes time

It exceeds all expectations

It requires both now and then

See although the players change

The song remains the same

And the truth is

You gotta have the balls to change

-Vinnie Jones

Because anytime is a good time for Izzard

2010-07-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

Music Mondays- sexy cover ;)

2010-07-19T11:40:00.001-07:00

For today's song I must promote this cover of George Michael's I Want your Sex, performed by the incredibly talented Chris Mann.

I met Chris in Cinque Terre when backpacking Western Europe with Huffy, Kelly O'Dell, Belinda V, and a few other wonderful ladies. We will always fondly remember singing on water noodles with Chris and Franc D'Ambrosio, and joining them with our Fabulous Sherpa Byron as we detoured over to Lucca.

Sigh. I miss Italian adventures.

Pass the video around if you like it (and you should), and look him up on iTunes. :)

Soup, soup-a-doop, soup-a-doop, sooup-a-doop-a-doop-a-doop!

2010-07-18T15:09:00.000-07:00

So I am once again indulging in my homemade soup obsession. I could eat soup nearly everyday and be completely satisfied. I love soup. Love love love the soup. I am not picky, I love soups of all shapes, sizes, ingredients, quantities (though often the more the better, nom). As we are in the middle of a New England summer, many would say that I need to wait until fall to return to my soup cooking tendencies, but to them I say "Open your eyes! Use your imagination!". Or I can tell them to purchase this fabulous new book that I tracked down recently. I decided it was time to get serious and stop looking at Real SImple recipes whenever I actually remembered to, so I searched the cookbook stacks until I found teh perfect book for my needs:

Holy Cannoli! Or maybe I should say Holy Minestrone! This book has such a wide variety of soupy deliciousness for my belly. I like to make a point to cook something new on Sundays, so this book catered to that idea as well. I'm such a sucker for marketing. However, this really has been worth the money. The book is split into seasons,both to fit the weather and the seasonal vegetables. I love being able to head to the local produce store and pick up large tasty veggie or fruit for a healthy and scrumptious meal. The book recommends breads and sides that compliment the soup. Basically it is heaven in a book.

Something I really love about soups is that they are simple, but they can be very impressive. People become so stuck in their chicken noodle/miso/tomato/french onion, that adding a few simple ingredients can suddenly make the meal seem more grand and creative... but it's still so easy! Maybe I shouldn't have admitted that. Oops.

So far I have tried two of the recipes from the Summer section. Today was the Summer Squash Minestrone with Pistou. Lighter than it's winter counterpart, this soup features zucchini, yellow squash, tomatoes, and a handful of pasta. I made a homemade provencal pesto that was stirred into the soup. We ate this with toasted sourdough bread. Mmmmmmm. My first attempt was Chilled Cauliflower Soup with Bacon & fresh Dill. This soup was perfect for the warm summer days we have been (um) blessed with lately. The bacon is added in at the end so this recipe is vegetarian friendly. We paired this with a crusty wheat loaf and a salad of arugula, tomato, avocado, and homemade vinegarette. James has already said that he is sad there are so many, because they are so delicious but he knows there is not enough opportunities to repeat them. I then challenged him to remember his favorites and surprise me with them after work during the week. :) Maybe I forgot to mention... in exchange for spending money on this book, I have to commit to making them on my own every week. However, he does the dishes, so I got the better end of the deal. Booya!

Ok. I have yabbered on enough. I encourage any soup lovers out there to buy this book ASAP!

¡Viva España!

2010-07-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

My random thoughts during the World Cup Finals:
- Tad had the funniest reason to support Spain
-I feel that somehow my Toro de Osborne tank top somehow helped the team today, despite the fact that some turd bucket snagged it from me years ago and I couldn't wear it to the pub today
-Both Goalies are kicking some serious rumpus and should be proud
-I can't look at Carles Puyol without expecting him to pull out a guitar and start playing a Queen song
-I think James should play soccer. Yum.
-Hey, that guy kinda looks like James. Yum
-The dutch look like inmates
-Really people? I don't look that pathetic when I take a fall, and I'm a wuss...
-Then again, I don't get stomped on by cleats
-What is it with the major hits to the chest in world cup finals? youch.
-Why did I drink this much beer in the afternoon, I want to nap now
-Geeeeeet it in... geeeeet it in
-I could never run this much.
-If James ends up sterile (and I hope that is not the case), perhaps Iker Casillas Fernandez Jr will be our future son. I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping a couple in need
-People who say this is not a real sport are immediately placed on my "stupid as poop" list
-I want Spain's coach to be my grandpa
-What is written on his undershirt?
-The Oracle Octopus was right!!!

How I spent my summer vacation pt1

2010-07-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

So summers are not the same as an adult, but I have still managed to cram in a few fun days here and there. I am RIDICULOUSLY behind, but I need to start somewhere. Here is a taste of my trip to CA in May:

I took a working vacation and headed back to California. Our trip was anything but relaxing, however, I had a great time. Upon landing we met Steph for lunch, and I then headed over to Huntington Beach for a quick baby shoot. Sadly I did not have enough time for a full shoot, but I got a few decent shots of the cutie.

From there, I stopped off at the YMCA to see my old kids. They have gotten WAY TO BIG, and they of course quizzed me on their names the moment walked in (insert opening music to Under Pressure here). James and I FINALLY got on the road and headed to Vista to see Chelsea, Dieter, and new baby Annabelle. wee! After making a quick stop at the Rainbow Outlet (my first time, my first pair, I was giddy), we arrived at the Gratz's adorable home and spent the evening catching up and (gently) bouncing baby annabelle. :)

After a much needed night of deep sleep (apparently Anabelle cried a lot, I had no clue), we said our good byes and headed back to HB to meet up with our carpool buddies, Stephanie and Stephen. We shared a very enjoyable ride up complete with In-N-Out. Oh how I have missed in-n-out. There was a happy reunion of many old friends at Brandon's wedding rehearsal. I got to scope out many great sites for portraits the next day. James took time to play with the fish eye lens that he is obsessed with (and was highly disappointed I wouldn't let him use it for shooting the wedding. sigh. oh james). We then spent the evening with my sister Beth and brother-in-law Michael, and enjoyed El Cid chips & salsa. mmmm. real mexican food.

Saturday was ... well... a wedding! Busy, beautiful, stressful, intimate, crowded, joyful, and everything in between. I was SO impressed by all of the details of this wedding, and few things bring me more joy than watching a dear friend commit to the person they love. Plus, I had a wonderful reunion with many loved ones. Mark, you need to get married soon so we all have a chance to travel together and hang out again soon. But no pressure or anything ;)

Sunday I woke up in Bakersfield, had breakfast with the in laws, then headed downtown to have a much needed visit to Spectre ;). Jen, GMar, Huffy, and I met up at Alisa's new home and enjoyed a sleepover filled with yummy food, tshirt making, marathoning shows, and great conversation. We somehow only managed to take one photo the nearly 24 hours we were together (which baffles me), but I have a few good memories that will stick with me no matter what. :)

Last but not least, James and I stayed our final evening in Orange County. We had dinner with the Coopers and met Oscar the wonderpooch, and spent an evening relaxing with Kelly and Sophy a my old home in Orange, playing Mexican Train.

Needless to say I was EXHAUSTED when I arrived home and wished for a vacation from my vacation! However, all in all, the trip was fabulous and I am so happy it all came together.

Music Mondays- return of an old musical "friend"

2010-07-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to Sarah McLachlan since I was old enough to make a conscious decision of what should play in my cassette player. ;) My sister and I "discovered" her as fumbling towards ecstasy was about to explode on the radio. We stumbled upon her playing a free concert in Central Park and fell in love with her music. I know there was a time when she became a bit overplayed. She also fell to the curse of Canadian women having a beautiful song attached to a cheesy romantic drama. Also, she has proven in interviews to be short a few bricks. :) However, through it all, I have continued to love and appreciate her talent. I also enjoy that James LOVES her. So I just purchased Laws of Illusion recently for our anniversary. Here is my favorite track so far:

I love my friends

2010-07-02T07:20:00.001-07:00

"There comes a time in life when you walk away from all the pointless drama and people who create it, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus on the good. Life is too short to be anything but happy."

Here's to focusing on the good! :)

Music Mondays- music meets comedy

2010-06-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

I have adored Zach Galifianakis since Out Cold, but this video solidified my love. Plus, Fiona Apple is brilliant.

Enjoy

Music Mond....wait it's tues... oops.

2010-06-22T17:06:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of putting together my 5th cover song mix, which will include Heartbeats. Feel free to send suggestions. :)

Music Mondays- Journey Glee-ified

2010-06-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

I love Glee. I love Journey. I love Glee covering Journey. So needless to say, this was a great finale!

Music Mondays- new loves

2010-06-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

My favorite review of them so far: they have fire in their bellies, romance in their hearts, and rapture in their masterful, melancholy voices. :) Oh Britain, why do you produce so much awesomeness and why do I not live within you?

Music Mondays- Book of Love

2010-05-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

This weekend was spent traveling across the country and up & down the state of California. I have many details to share once I get a moment to breathe. For now, I will share this beautiful song, which played for Brandon and Brieana Weaver's first dance as husband & wife. :)

Peter Gabriel rocks my world.

Vincent

2010-05-24T08:41:00.000-07:00

This picture makes me want to both smile and cry

I think the finale has hit me very deeply. Those who are frustrated need to let it sink in and figure out how to let go. Fitting isn't it? :)

The end is here

2010-05-23T11:03:00.001-07:00

I have never seen Pretty in Pink

2010-05-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

It feels wrong.
I think I need to correct this, I just don't know when I will have time. hmmm.

the coundown

2010-05-18T19:34:00.001-07:00

music Mondays- on a very special tuesday

2010-05-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

LOST is almost over, and I am very very sad. I decided to post this short video on Tuesday, aka LOST day, as I begin my preparations to let go. *tear*

Paparazzi

2010-05-13T17:12:00.000-07:00

Because I can't wait until Monday to post this:

Ridiculous. Gaga needs to step it up now ;)

Visits & Visitors

2010-05-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

"Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down the road and back again

your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant"

As I was reviewing my calendar today, I found myself overwhelmed by how truly dedicated my friends have been since I moved. In addition to weekly (if not daily) conversations via IM or text with many people from home, and the multitude of emails/phone calls I have received each month, I have been blessed with many visitors. Between my visits home and my visitors, I have managed to meet up with people nearly every month since I moved. Here is how my last 9 months have gone:

August - visit from Noel Nocciolo (complete with a fabulous new cd). Also, I flew to Las Vegas to shoot a wedding for Christine Rodriguez, and visit with some lovely girls for Stephanie's bachelorette party.

September- visit from Alison Smidt, who had patience while I slowly crutched beside her through the city, and who took me to my first Red Sox game. Also, she got to see Ben Affleck filming. woohoo. ;)

October- Trip home to Ca for Stephanie's wedding. This also included a stay with GinaMarie in Sacramento, a stay with Matt Gilchrist in coarsegold, a ride to OC with my sister Beth (with a stop off in Bakersfield to say hello to Alisa McPherson), a visit to see my kids at the Y, chai @ alta & dinner at Ho Sum Bistro with Chelsea Gratz, and a brief overnight stay with Kelly O'Dell. Also this month, I had a visit from Bonny O'Neill. This was about a week after I was able to walk again. We got to enjoy the fall leaves, a trip to Walden Pond, and got to pull squealing mandrakes at the Harry Potter exhibition :)

November - We had no visitors in November, but we were able to host another Straggler's Thanksgiving with new friends from James's school, and I started my new job.

December - ANOTHER visit from Alison Smidt. This time I had use of my legs again. :)

January- James and I headed down to NYC to meet up with Stephanie & Stephen Bayer, who were in Philly with family. We were hosted by Kelly Novitski and the adorable Otis. Also, we managed to meet up with Noel N.

February-a visit from Jessica Behal. I like to name this weekend Beers, Treats, and Conversations.

March- Thanks to Berkelee School of Music, I had a spontaneous visit from Melody Wilson and her sister Tiffany (who was auditioning at Berkelee). It was raining the entire day, but they were troopers!

April - Speaking of Troopers... we got to visit with Trooper while he was in the area for work. :)

May- This month we will be experiencing a whirlwind trip to Ca. It starts with landing in the OC and seeing Jeremy Stafford, my kids at the Y, and staying with Chelsea, Dieter, and baby Annabelle!! :) We will then head up to Fresno with the Bayers to enjoy/photograph the wedding of Brandon Weaver, and see the many wonderful college friends who will be in attendance. The wedding is at the home of my friend Athena, whom I am excited to see again. While in the NorCal area, I will also be seeing Matt, and my Oakhurst family. Immediately following the wedding we head down to Bakersfield to say hello to James's family, then I will staying a night at Alisa McPherson's NEW house with the rest of my Spectre friends (Huffy, GMar, Jen Smith). From there, I head home, and James flies to TX to see James Pierce. All of this in 5 days. Holy Mackerel.

My summer is also full of visitors:

June: A visit from the lovely Mary Ginty.

July- We get to share a Boston 4th of July (aka the greatest kind) with Chris & Drea Hill

August: Jason & Huffy Cooper are heading our way.

In the midst of all of this, we have seen either my dad, or our whole family in Maine, at least 8 times. :)

Like I said, it is a blessing to have people in my life with such dedication. Be it on this coast or back west, we find ways to see each other. How lucky am I?

Music Mondays- Sim Drama

2010-05-10T06:17:00.000-07:00

I was looking for a music video to this song, and came across this one created with a Sims program. I think the creator needs a hug.

My Golden Records

2010-05-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

My darling and fantabulous friend Alisa Bernal recently posted a list. This list was of the 28 albums that most influenced her over the (almost) 28 years of her life. I immediately knew this was something I had to do. The list also did not take me much time. I already have an idea of what I will add after my next birthday.

Sigh. I heart music.

the 28...

1.Raffi- Singable songs for the very young
2.MWS- Change your world
3.Paul Simon- rhythm of the saints
4.U2- Joshua Tree
5.The Lion King soundtrack
6.Steve Miller Band- fly like an eagle
7.Amy Grant- Heart in Motion
8.Sarah McLachlan- Fumbling towards ecstasy
9.Alanis Morrisette- jagged little pill
10.Weezer- Blue Album
11.Smashing Pumpkins- melloncollie and the infinite sadness
12.Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack
13.AC/DC - Back in Black
14.Five Iron Frenzy- Our Newest Album Ever
15.Propaghandi- How to clean everything
16. Jennifer Knapp- Lay It Down
17. Dave Matthews Band - Crash
18. Ben Folds - Rockin the Suburbs
19. Jimmy Eat World- Clarity (still my fave album of all time)
20. The Get Up Kids- Something to Write Home About
21. Dashboard Confessionals- Screaming infidelites
22. Radiohead- OK Computer
23. John Mayer- Room for Squares
24. Damien Rice- O
25. The Swell Seaon- Once soundtrack
26. Imogen Heap- Speak for yourself
27. Greg Laswell - 3 flights from Alto Nido
28. Jeff Buckley- Hallelujah (yes, I listed the single and not Grace, which was also phenomenal. Single is just more fitting)

All of us are LOST

2010-05-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite LOST promo. They ran it in the UK for season 1, and I am jealous that our promos never seem this beautiful.

Squeeeeeek squee squeeak (thhhhbpt)

2010-05-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

So right now things are pretty good, but I'm feeling the stresses that still come with a full life. I am cramming a lot into this month. I need my ankle to stop hurting so I can jog again and clear my head. My final is done (thank goodness), but after work/photo/church mtgs, I have a total off 2 days off between now and when I leave to california. In those few hours I am getting each day, I need to find an apt, find a new car, learn how to use my new flash (damn my procrastination), and a bajillion other little errands and duties to wrap up. Like I said, life is good... it's just FULL.

I am seeing my patience wilt away. I think this will greatly improve upon having our own home. In the mean time, I find myself having little left to spare outside of my time with the girls and with James. I'm not sure why people think now is the appropriate time to get in my way (the nerve I say!! ha), but I think I need to be more open about my severe lack of time. Boundaries, you have always been my weakness. Today, I announced to a friend that my head might explode, and I kind of wanted to scream. However, when I was alone and could do whatever I wanted, I realized my description had not been accurate. I let out a silly squeak, and acknowledged that my head was not in fact going to explode, it's just was deflating. :) This made me smile again. Thank God I can make myself laugh even when I want to... well... squeal and deflate.

They will know we are Christians by our....

2010-05-04T17:44:00.001-07:00

...Pride?
...Arrogance?
...Judgement?
...Fear?
...Lack of self awareness?
...Hypocrisy?
...Naiveté?

I have been thinking a lot recently about how Christians are viewed. I hear many excuses for it... the media paints Christians as crazy, it's the minority who is hateful and shout louder than the rest, people are putting their issues/guilt on Christians, the list goes on. While I think there is some truth to those, I believe it would be unwise to ignore the rest. Stereotypes are there for a reason. I do not think that those who are hurting the message of Christ are the minority. We can't blame those "crazy christians" who are shouting loud, if anything we should be shouting louder, and shouting a message of love. If that was truly at the heart of our lives, and evident in our actions, then i do not believe we would be viewed with such contempt. I know so many people who agree with the bible, but then can't bear to take our faith seriously because of "the people that Christianity produces". Even Ghandi has been famously quoted saying "Your Christians are so unlike your Christ". There is much more to this than we all seem to want to admit. Yet, instead of trying to fix the problem, we seem to try to become the victims instead. We encourage each other that having so many against us means that we are doing something right. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around it all.

I expressed before that I am tired of hearing "love the sinner, hate the sin", because I do not think we know how to separate the two. To really "love the sinner", our immediate responses should not be disgust, insults, or judgement. To truly love the sinner should lead people to respond with compassion, empathy, being broken as we witness the brokenness of others. I am heavy hearted when I observe the immediate need to judge others. Yes, to judge is inevitable, and is not always a bad thing. However, this judgement I see is quick and harsh. I watch (and participate) in discussions about people where it can take endless back and forth; pointing out people flaws, quoting scripture to back up why the individual/group in question is wrong, speaking out against these people/groups, and only in the end are many battered into saying they deserve love (but of course, hate for the sin), and that they aren't bad all around, and that OF COURSE there is good in them (why would anyone question that), and so on. I just feel that what is at the heart of someone is obvious in their initial reactions. We, as Christians, are so trained in Christianese that we feel we can speak as harshly as we like as long as we end saying "oh, but God loves them, and so do I". This often is simply rattling off what we "need" to say. I just find this to be so backwards. It is no wonder that people do not want to hear about God's Love when it is simply tacked onto a list of why they are wrong. We may not want to admit it,
but that is very telling about what is truly in our hearts.

I believe that we are supposed to hold people accountable. However, this is done through relationship. It is through that relationship, and that genuine love we build within a relationship, that we are given the right to judge and hold those in our lives accountable, and hopefully they can feel free to do that in return. No doubt, even within relationships, there are some people who do not want to hear the truth and can only consider criticism to be mean. To/about those people... I do not know what to say. I just do not understand how we feel we can place ourselves above other so quickly.

The superiority is something that continually baffles me. Yes, it is true, I believe that my faith is the "right one", and that it holds truth. However, I have been reminded time and again what that means. It means that I believe that I am so flawed that had to have a saviour. Someone needed to make a huge sacrifice for me because I am incredibly broken. How can I believe that, and somehow also feel that I am superior for believing that? It makes no sense!

Allow me state the way that I view sin. I believe that God made a list of Do's and Don'ts. However, I do not believe that list says how "good" a person is. I believe that God cares deeply for us all, and he knew what habits and behaviors could bring us much pain and suffering, and he asked we do not do those because he wants us to have the best life possible. I do not believe God asks for us not to do things for no reason. I also know that God loves us no matter what we do. I believe he hurts when we do not listen to his advice, but that he hurts for us. The lives we lead are not the lives that he intended, but they are our choices. Seeing that we all makes colossal mistakes, who are we to approach others about their sin with anything other than love and grace? This is not always fluffy and pink with dancing bunnies... love can show itself in many different ways. It may be uncomfortable, and it may be difficult, but if it comes from a place of empathy and wanting to help, and TRULY caring for someone, that will be obvious in the delivery. It is what is at the heart of these matters that is important. That is what we should be showing the world. I truly think that if we lived out that example, and did not distort it so heavily, we would be seen very differently by the world.

This has been on my heart for many months now, but I was reminded again of this topic during church last week. We ended our service singing the hymn "They will know we are Christians by our Love". My heart sank as I read this, because I did not feel it spoke much truth anymore. The words are so simple and beautiful. Please read through this and let the words sink in. It is my hope and prayer that one day I can sing this with confidence and joy.

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that all unity may one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

We will work with each other, we will work side by side
We will work with each other, we will work side by side
And we'll guard each one's dignity and save each one's pride
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

By our love, by our love

And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

We will walk with each other, we will walk hand in hand
We will walk with each other, we will walk hand in hand
And together we'll spread the news that God is in our land
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

By our love, by our love

And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

Love is patient, love is kind
Never boasts, not full of pride
Always hopes, always trusts
The evidence of Christ in us

Music Mondays- omg DMB

2010-05-03T18:27:00.000-07:00

James and I love ourselves some Dave Matthews, and we like to sing this together. I like to sing the "yeah"' parts and dance around.
We are a bit silly. :)

Entertainment Weekly

2010-05-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

Jen Smith bought me a subscription to Entertainment Weekly for my birthday last year. I have to say, I will miss my weekly entertainment fix once the year runs out. At times the magazine tortures me as I learn about all of the upcoming movies I will not be able to watch. However, I deeply love all things entertainment, so most of the time it feeds my need for pop culture knowledge.

Here is a long blog about what I am currently reading, watching, listening to, and more. For those who like this stuff.

Lost: I am so excited for the finale, but I know I will have a serious time of mourning when this show ends. I have watched it religiously since the first week, and my love never faltered through the difficult times. I believe anybody who is skeptical that this season is not going to end well, or who claim to only still watch because they can't give up now, were never true fans.
Glee: I am thrilled that Glee has been given the recognition it deserves. I knew from the moment I heard about Glee that I would love it. Every week I find myself sad that I did not have a club at my school. I actually find myself loving their covers songs more than many of the originals. Plus, I have a girl crush on Lea Michelle. I have loved her since I saw her in Spring Awakening, and her portrayal of Rachel is brilliant. Her talent blows me away. But back to the show.. all I can say each week is that it is brilliant. Love. Love. Love.
CW Guilty Pleasures/aka OTH & GG: OTH has sadly gone downhill, but I still love it. I will watch it until the end (though last season should have been the end). Part of me hopes it gets one more season just to redeem itself. I normally would not admit to watching Gossip Girl, but I was sucked in by the costumes, the filming locations, and the music. It is a wonderful escape, though I admit it is pure trash!
The Office: What can I say. It has a special place in my heart and it keeps me laughing. I found out that Novak & Kransinski grew up about 10 min from where I live, and will keep my eye out for them this summer. ;)
HIMYM: This and Office are the shows James and I watch together. I came late to the party, and I think this season is flailing a bit, but I love the show. I hope that they "fix" Ted, as his personality seems to be going towards the douchey Ross years on Friends.

I am back to reading many books at once, but this is due to their nature. I still am only reading one "fun" book. The rest are... "educational". Lifestyle choices have been changed, and I'm trying to be as prepared as can be.

The Beginning Runners Handbook: I just received this book in the mail, and have already poured through a few chapters. This book was recommended to me by a friend. I will be running a 10K in the fall, and I was uncomfortable that I began training without any solid information. This book provides ample info and tips, as well as a training guide (both running and strength training). I should finish this book next week and will implement a full training program after.

Sugar Busters : I keep this book in my purse and sneak in reads whenever I get the chance. My father has followed this diet for years and always pushed me to read the book. However, I love my sugars, and I kept forgetting to read it. After discovering that my thyroid disorder has improved, and I can now control the symptoms naturally with no medication, I decided it was time to step things up. I am majorly cutting back all refined grains and sugars from my diet. This in addition to the ample exercise is helping me feel normal again. I still fall off the wagon from time to time, but the more I read, the more encouraged I am to follow this new lifestyle.

The Red Sox Fan Handbook: I try to pick this up when I get time, and will dive into it fully once the exercise/diet books are finished. I have said for years if I moved to Boston, I would become a sox fan. I also knew once I arrived, I could not take that lightly. There is no way I can remember everything I am reading, but I am beginning to understand the agony of their history (and their intense hatred of the Yankees). I have heard a few stories, but MAN did this team get screwed over. ha! Every time I read this, I learn, and I thoroughly enjoy it!

Word Freak : I read this before bed every night. I LOVE scrabble, and I now have begun researching the strategies they talk about in the book. These people are CRAZY. I love it :)

Albums on repeat: Civil Twilight (self titled), Greg Laswell (3 flights from alto nido), Everly (B-tracks), Queen (greatest hits), Jennifer Knapp (lay it down), all of my broadway music!

Singles on repeat: 4 Minutes (glee, they tore that up!), Carry Out (timbaland/JT, so wrong but I love it), You & Me (dmb), Kathleen (David Gray), Near to you (a fine frenzy), Your love is a Song (switchfoot)

Live: I just got tickets to see David Gray & Ray Lamontagne play at the Boston BofA pavillion this summer. I am beyond thrilled.

I am sad to be so close to NYC and still not been to a broadway show. However, I recently purchsed a student rush ticket to see my friend Laura perform in the National tour of CATS. The show I viewed was her audition for a full time job with the show next year, and I'm excited to say she got it! Here we are outside the stage door getting into the spirit of the show.

I never get to see movies in the theater anymore, but we DID just the netflix Wii disc. This brings much joy to my heart.

Ok. This semi pointless babble shall end now. I only have one more thing to say:

Yoda is a bad ass. Or I guess I should say "Bad ass, he is"

checking in & ramblings

2010-04-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

So this week has not gone exactly as planned, but that is life! :) I was called in early to work, so I have postponed my final until Saturday. Thank goodness the online testing center is open 7 days a week! I did not jog in the last 2 days, but my ankle is needing a rest from the impact. I walked 2 miles each day, so I don't feel too much like a couch potato... or a spud, as James likes to call me. :) I am hoping to get my follow up x-rays done a bit early this time, to see how my exercising is affecting the spots on my last xray. I do not like that the doctors are unsure if they are cysts or if the tumor growing again. The fear hits me some days, but most of the time I choose hope.

My church meeting and my photo shoot that were scheduled for SUnday have both been postponed, which I appreciate. I need that day of rest to recharge! Ah rest... how I love thee and need thee. I LOVE working with kids, but they suck energy like cute little tics. :)

I find myself consistently stopping each day and thinking that life is good. We have officially been living in Boston for 9 months. Through the surgery, recovery, worrying about finding a job, adjusting to roommates, and everything else that came with this transition, we have managed to find in this city a feeling of being home. I look forward to next year, starting fresh with no ailments, with our own space, and without the worries of financial instability. The personal "weeding" I have done within my relationships has been painful, but has also brought a peace that I have never felt. I know I will be dealing with feelings of loss, evaluations of boundaries, etc, for a long time, but it is a step I had trouble making in the past. The freedom that comes with boundaries is a bit shocking! Lastly, these steps to personal health (the cutting of excessive sugars/refined grains, the daily exercise, the slow changes to my sleeping patterns) have been so greatly influenced by my environment. I am baffled how someone could live in this city and not want to be their healthiest. I love Boston and I truly wish more of my loved ones could experience this city. I can't begin to describe how wonderful it is. To live in a place that values education, health (not being skinny & tan, but HEALTHY), being involved in the local community (and helping the global community), good food, museums of all shapes and sizes, health care reform, etc etc etc... I mean come on... we have the Sam Adams Brewery! :) haha. But seriously, I have come to think of Boston as one of the greatest cities, and I am happy to see how living here has changed my life.

A fluffy pooch has jumped in my lap and demanded my attention. While I am excited to have some space in my on apartment next year, I will dearly miss Igor the wonderpooch. I must take advantage of every opportunity with his sweet little face. On that note, I am signing off. Au Revoir!

Just so you know...

2010-04-26T18:35:00.001-07:00

Music Mondays- busy bee

2010-04-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

I am patiently waiting to buy tickets to the upcoming David Gray/Ray Lamontagne tour (and want to pee a little with excitement just thinking about it). In honor of that, here is a video of David Gray. As Alison just said... Here's hoping I don't pee my pants!

I have a crazy busy week ahead, so this may be the last time I am on before my next music monday. Then again, when I'm crazy busy, I suddenly get the urge to write on here. Is it procrastination? Is it simply that I need an outlet? Who knows. Maybe both.

My schedule this week:

Monday:
Gym (check)
Post blog (check-ish!)
Run errands for Cutlers
Take final (please do good please do good)
Work the afternoon

Tuesday:
Work 7am-6pm
Jog... somewhere in here!

Wednesday:
Gym
Clean house
Work 1230-6

Thursday:
Jog
work 1230-overnight

Friday:
work midnight-6pm (finish overnight with girls)

Saturday:
Church spring clean up
Work: late afternoon - evening

SUnday:
Church meeting
Photo shoot

Lather, rinse, repeat.

:)